whenever i listen to sarah, i think of k3. (isn't it weird how music can bring back memories and emotions?) like me, she adored sarah. i started browsing through some of our e-mail conversations back in 2000-01, during the peak of our long-distance "courtship." if you could call it that. for the most part, it was just words. not much was done, physically speaking. we spoke of the future, and what may be, as i was in silicon valley working, and she was in texas in medical school.
at the time, she was my favorite girl on the planet. i first met her in autumn quarter of 1994, when she floated in to stanford taiko auditions as a spunky freshman. she just seemed to light up the room when she entered, with a short haircut and a perpetually bright smiling face. i liked her instantly. and i immediately knew i had to get to know her.
we did get acquainted with each other, but for this and that reason, we never dated. i became involved with k2, and that blossomed into a four-year relationship, but after she and i broke up, i turned my attention to k3 once again. with that length of time, i have to admit i built up an idealistic vision of her. and she became this perfect girl in my mind.
and man, i read some of my e-mails to her, and i was *so* in love with her. i can't believe some of the words that *i* wrote. am i capable of this kind of affection in my current state? ME? *now*? hm. i think my heart has dimmed considerably, and i am afraid to think that i, in a love-capacity sense, am half the man i used to be. and that saddens me. either i am not meeting the right people (girls, who, using the _ally mcbeal_ terms, "make my heart bounce"), or my heart is no longer able to bounce.
ok, off to bed. heh, i haven't been reflective like this on my blog in years, no? oh, and btw, i have really stinky farts right now.