one thing that sucks about my fragile mental state is that i can't tell how i'll be in the future, i.e. in 3 months time, next year, etc. i mean, a few months ago, i had no idea that my tourette's would be so well-controlled like it is now. yeah, i'm going through a nice phase right now (*knocks on wood*). i still tic, but i go through periods of anywhere from a few minutes to like half an hour without ticcing. it's nice. :)
but the thing is, who knows how long this will last. i went through this "nice" phase a few years ago, and it all fell apart (my theory is that it was when work got stressful). i don't know when i'll get panic attacks again, and when the tics will get worse, and even when i'll get suicidal again. !! my brain is completely unreliable and unpredictable, and the only thing i can do is try to relax when i can and enjoy life while it is still good. and that last part is something that i don't do enough of: appreciate my mental health. for those of you who don't have such mental disorders like i do, be FUCKING THANKFUL that your brain is healthy. believe me, you don't want to ever go through some of the shit that i've gone through.
so my boss has headed off to sweden for a few weeks. the last time he went, i wound up coasting at work a bit too much. this time, i need to be more proactive in seeking out more work to do. i gotta get some verification done on this block that i've inherited. but still, i think the stress level drops when he's gone, so i'm sort of looking forward to it. i also stopped by his cube before he left and asked him about taking a week off at the end of july so i can go back to taiwan for a little (nuclear) family reunion. he said ok, so i'll probably do it. i'm just not looking forward to the flight(s). ouchie!
so a while back when i went to southland taste, i noticed that one of the waitresses there was previously employed at joy luck place (the small one). our theory was that she was a mean woman (she never smiles, and is very curt), and got fired from JLP, and found another job at southland. but now that southland is closed for renovations, she was working at JLP today when we went there for lunch. hm. i wonder what's going on there. she was back to her usual borderline-rude self today, too. *ponder*
so it looks like i'll be following _so you think you can dance_ this season. i've seen the first two episodes, so now i feel compelled to see the show through. i thought the very first girl (the choreographer) last night was very cute. that hok guy was really cool (well, i like b-boy dancing in general), and that white dude who did the robotic stuff was just simply amazing. i am usually not impressed with dancing at all (especially jazz and lyrical stuff, which i just don't get), but when i see something totally cool, i really dig it. i am on the extremes, i guess.
i think i have hemorrhoids. i was feeling around my ass last night in the shower, and i have this painful lump at the base of my sphincter. it hurts! it's slightly better today (i've only had one dump so far), so i'm hoping it'll go away naturally. if not, i'll have to go to safeway and get some preparation h or something. does that stuff work quickly? in the meantime, i'll *try* to avoid spicy foods. (i love spice too much.)
ok. that's enough for today. i'm so glad tomorrow's friday. *cheer*