howdy folks. i'm feeling much better today, after my panic attack tuesday. i got so hopped up on drugs that i don't even remember watching sportscenter last night. it was like i lay down, and BAM i was asleep. amazing what drugs can do to you.
i realize that i need to take better care of myself. all i had to eat yesterday was a bowl of cereal (crispix). i'm losing weight, which is a good thing, but i'm losing it because of stress, which is a bad thing. i'd been hovering around 175, but i'm now i'm like 170. not bad. ideally, i'd like to be 160, but i don't know how to get there besides starving myself. and yes, i do exercise.
i'm burping up the big mac i had for lunch. i was supposed to have lunch with my friend M, but she bailed because she was busy at work, so instead i had lunch with alan. it's always good to spend time with your best friend. the three of us (alan, ting and i) are going to see stomp in may. i LOVE stomp! tickets were a bit pricey, though (at $72), but i'm mainly worried about finding parking at de anza and getting out. big events always produce a lot of road rage in me (if i'm the driver) when i can't get out easily.
my feet stink. i think it's because i'm wearing ratty shoes. for the last few months, i alternate between my black/white puma avanti's and my green steve madden rascals. they stink, too. i think i need to start adding in more shoes into the rotation or just buy new ones.
do you guys wear deodorant? i don't. there was a time that i used it just because all the other guys were, and i thought it was a "guy" thing. but my pits don't get overly sweaty. ok, let me check. ok, they're a *little* wet, but not enough to warrant using deodorant, i don't think.
one of my biggest fears of becoming a parent is that if the child is mine, chances are, he/she will develop tourette's or OCD or whatever else i have. that bugs me. i don't want anybody to have to endure what i go through. yes, i was teased by my classmates in elementary school and junior high. it sucked. i clearly remember ticcing (i had a screaming tic in 4th grade), and this one girl just gave me the look of, "what the fuck is wrong with you?" bad memories.
i've actually been chipper today. i'm not sure what it is. i got some work done, i resolved one (of two) synthesis issue, etc. i hope days aren't up/down like they have been for the past two days. i can't handle the rollercoaster, especially the dips.
so, does anal sex (on a girl) feel as good as vaginal sex? i've never had anal sex before, and i'm not really interested in it. (as much as i have a fetish with my own poop, i don't really care about someone else's.) i've heard that half of a girl's pelvic nerve endings end in her clitoris, and the other half is in the sphincter. so it must feel good, right? hm.
with regards to porn, i'm not really interested in watching anal sex. i just don't have a personal connection with the experience, since i've never done it myself. but i do have this one video of a girl (who looks like alyssa milano) having anal sex with this guy with a huge dong. that one sort of turns me on. i think it's her reactions and moaning and stuff that do the job for me.
ok, time to do more work. take care, folks!