i'm taking a break from coding. it was nice to do some real work for a change, though. i actually felt productive! *cheer*
so it's monday, and i reminded myself today that we don't have a national holiday until the end of *november*. isn't that depressing? i mean, we have september to finish up, the entire month of october, and then a few more weeks of full workweeks to deal with! auuugh.
i am having an especially bad hair day today. i went to bed last night with wet hair, so today it's just one gargantuan ugly fro. hehe.
does anybody know how much benadryl i should take (in mgs, i suppose) to induce sleep? i'm going to get some soon, because xanax isn't really helping with my panic attacks. sigh. these spells are just horrible. there's nothing quite like lying in a comfortable position yet feeling so *uncomfortable*. it's like my body is wired up to some awful source of electricity; i can't really describe it, and you'd have to have one yourself to understand what i'm talking about.
so to deal with it as of now, i'm going to have to limit my social interactions. i know it sounds lame and pathetic, but somehow being with people has a way of making me panic, especially at night. i'm not sure why this is, though, but the current trend is that if i do anything outside of my normal routine, i start have these attacks. FIE!
the real test will be wednesday night. ting is planning this _so you think you can dance_ finale night, so it will definitely be a social event. and coupled with my allergy to lauren sanchez, the time will be ripe for me to have a panic attack. we shall see, my friends, we shall see.
/two hours later/
damn, that was a long fucking meeting.
anyways, i have totally lost my train of thought here. not that i really write coherently or anything. :)
have you ever thought that you dumped a little turd, only to look down at the bowl afterwards and realize that you really excreted a TON of shit? that's what happened today. i had one long strain on the pot, but after i wiped and looked at the results, there were THREE big turds! weird, huh?
anyways, that's it for today. see you later!
well, it was sort of a bad weekend for me. i'll get to it later.
friday night, i just had my bowl of cereal for dinner and went to sleep. i woke up on saturday, and no one was around, so i did my errands (drop off some clothes to get repaired at the cleaners, got my roasted barley pearl milk tea), and took a nap.
dinner should have been good; i met up with the usual gang at fusion, this place on south winchester that was good. but, through the course of our two-hour dinner, i got a wicked panic attack. i got home at 10pm, and just had my freak-out session until i finally fell asleep at 2am. it was horrible. the xanax wasn't working, and i smoked 12 cigarettes that day. horrible, just horrible. it was my worst night ever since late last year. i have got to do something about these panic attacks; i might go buy some benadryl later.
anyways, sunday, i watched the cowboys/niners game at nelson's place. the trash talking was cordial, and to my happiness, the cowboys pulled it out in the 4th quarter after being down. yippee! i went home, took a nap, ate a bowl of cereal, and headed off for bed.
and that was it. i didn't do a whole lot this weekend, and considering the ridiculous explosive panic attack i had, it made the weekend sort of suck for me. sigh.