man. my tics aren't getting better; i had hoped that resting for two days would have *some* sort of ameliorating impact, you know? :(
anyways, today is just another monday. *blech* i am trying to run some simulations with my modified testbench, but it seems to be hanging early on. *RAAR* i'm not sure how to go about debugging this.
not looking forward to _american idol_ tonight. or ever. i'm not sure what the problem is with this season as compared to last year... i guess there just isn't anybody that i really liked, like john stevens. this year, my take on it is that it's just a glorified karaoke competition. *shrug*
on saturday, i got these fried zucchini slices at carl's jr. i had previously imagined them to be deep-fried nuggets of goodness, but reality proved that my expectations were way too high. they had this weird sweetness to them, and the ranch sauce they provided just didn't add to the flavor at all. oh well.
i'm really nervous about stanford basketball. they lost by one point to oregon state last thursday, and barely squeaked by (a two-point win) oregon on saturday. the announcer kept on saying that stanford had to win out (including the pac-10 tournament) to make the big dance, and i sincerely hope that's not the case.
because of cwg, i haven't played basketball in about two months. instead, i go down to lunch at the cafeteria, hoping i'd catch a glimpse of her getting food. sigh. i am such a loser; this seems more like a junior high crush than anything else. heh.
i am having problems dealing with my current living situation. i mean, i sort of like living alone and not having anyone bother me (not that alan or ting "bothered" me), but i can't afford paying for the full rent every month. sigh. what to do?
i just wish that i still had one more stanford buddy that would live with me. the prospect of finding a new random stranger to be my roommate is sort of sketching me out. what if they're psycho? what if they're super-social and have people over all the time and i can't get my lounging time in? what if they're messy and leave their shit all over the place? the list of questions goes on.
anyways, this will have to sort itself out in the near future. i'm just sort of unsure of what to do right now.
i haven't taken a dump in two days. either i'm terribly backed up, or my body is super-adept at absorbing everything that i eat. somehow, that second option doesn't seem too likely, leaving me with a bad result.
ok, that's enough for today. i'm gonna IM cwg soon. wish me good instant messaging karma!
for most of you, my weekend was wasted, but i badly need some rest and relaxation because of my increasingly aggravating tics. i was horizontal for most of the weekend, watching tv and taking naps. i hope my legs don't atrophy from not using them.
saturday, the only thing i did of note was watch stanford play a lackluster game and win by two points against oregon. it was a tight game, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. i was supposed to go drinking afterwards, but i got in this really antisocial mood, so i bailed. oh well, next time, i guess.
sunday was more of the same; saturday night, i was in bed for 17.5 hours, and i felt groggy the whole day. i watched some college basketball, took a nap on the futon, and later met alan for some pearl milk tea after he got back from LA. he was the only "live" person i saw the entire weekend. sigh.
anyways, i have got to get these tics under control. otherwise, i'm going to have to take more weekends off like this. yuck. *RAAR*
well, she IM'ed me out of the blue today, and i take that as a good sign. i was very pleased, and given the dearth of contact i've had with her recently, it made my day. :)
last night, i had dinner with elliot, eric, and adam at mango cafe. i haven't seen eric in a long fucking time, so it was great to hang out for a little bit. i got the hot goat curry over rice, and man, it burned! not to mention the acidic dump i took this morning.
sigh. hanging out with these guys would have been more fun if my tics didn't completely SUCK. they are ruling me, and it was just really uncomfortable, sitting there and trying to be still and tic-free. sigh. tourette's really does suck. *RAAR*
i've developed this bump on my cheek recently, and i had a suspicion that it was a clogged pore. it hurt when i squeezed it, but last night, i went to my bathroom in front of the mirror and squeezed the living daylights out of it. suddenly, it gave way, and there was this popping sound. the next thing i new, blood had splattered all over the mirror. ewww. but, i have to say, that popping this thing felt very satisfying.
be happy! it's friday! i can't wait to go home and sleep until whenever. the stanford men's basketball game vs. oregon isn't until 4pm, instead of recent tip-offs at 12:30, so i don't have to set an alarm tonight. yeah!
aside from that, i don't have any real weekend plans. there's an evite about going back to rudy's for some drinks, but i'm not sure if i'm going to attend. reception has been lukewarm, seeing as we were just there a few weeks ago.
because of dinner with eric and company, i had to tape _OC_ last night. don't ruin it for me! the thing about taped shows is that i am less motivated to sit down and watch them. i don't know why this is, because it's actually *better* to see a taped/tivo'ed show because you get to skip commercials, thus being a lesser drain of your time. hm.
man, i am ticcing really hard as i type this. when i see my psych in march, i'm gonna ask to up my holdol dosage. right now, i'm at 4mg, and i think i'm going to request to be put on 6mg.
it's sad that i hardly speak to alan these days. in fact, i haven't heard from him all week, and it makes me very very sad. on top of that, i had to write a rent check yesterday, and it bothers me that i have to foot the entire check for the month of march. i mean, i say that i plan on getting a roommate, but the truth is, i really don't want a random person to live with me. it sort of creeps me out. sigh. i don't know what to do.
but anyways, i'm out. have a great weekend people!
wow, my tics are really bad. i'm almost in breakdown phase, i think, so this weekend i'm going to need to rest up and recuperate.
not much i want to talk about today. watching last night's television was sort of uncomfortable, as my neck was really hurting me, and i had to crane it to be able to see the tiny tv set i had in my bedroom. _alias_ was so-so, too, which made the pain i had to go through sort of not worth it.
it's days like this when i get really mad and bitter about having tourette's. i mean, i want to be normal just like everyone else, but i can't because i've got this fucking disorder that messes me all up. *RAAR*
things with cwg have sort of stalled. i do IM her from time to time, but the conversations are short because she is so busy. plus, the actual face time has dwindled down to almost nothing. i feel frustrated.
hell, though. with my tics in their current state, i'm in no position to date anyone. i'd be a walking disaster. i can barely sit still without feeling the next tic building up and eventually exploding all over the place.
so here's a moral question for you folks. if you knew that a guy was total scum and dating someone innocent and unknowing, are you in any position to tell the new girlfriend? does it depend on your relationship to the girl?
in the meantime, i just want to sleep. and i think i'm going to sign off this short entry right here. sorry folks, i'm just not in shape to chat right now. but i'll try to write more tomorrow, ok?
i was very disappointed today. the menu for lunch said "beef stroganoff," and i LOVE that stuff. (yes, i am sort of eating beef again.) but, as it turned out, it was very gross. the beef was a little old or overcooked or something, and it just wasn't tasty at all. thus, the disappointment.
anyways, i went to see my dermatologist again. my staph infection is gone, and so is most of the eczema on my face and neck. i still have some discoloration of the skin (dark patches) where i used to be infected, though, so that's still a bother. and the psoriasis on my left foot isn't progressing as well as i had hoped. but i'll be patient and see how it goes.
i think i'm gonna drop _committed_ from my list of shows to watch. the humor just isn't funny AT ALL, and the canned laughter drives me bonkers. i notice laughtracks a lot these days, and most of the time, the people laugh at something that is far from funny.
and, _american idol_ is not interesting me. there's one cute girl (i think her name is lindsey cardinale), and none of the talent appeals to me. so that may be another show i drop.
it was interesting last night, because john frieda showed this ad about their brunette line of hair care. and right after that, the following ad was their line of blonde products. and after surveying the "attractive" women featured in the commercials, i'd have to reiterate that i LOVE brunettes (or dark hair in general). there's something about dark hair that makes me pop a boner.
i just had my 9th smoke of the day. i usually am at about 7 during this time of day, but my tics are really ruling me, and i need the breaks to stay sane. if you ever hang out with me, you'll notice that my arms are propping up my head most of the time, and if i don't do that, i'll tic up a storm. so my arms are getting really tired from being up all the time.
woo-hoo! i just got an e-mail from alex. he's a good buddy. it's weird, though, because i haven't seen him in years, and we never talk on the phone. but, we write good e-mail messages to each other, and i cherish that.
i love e-mail. to all you lurkers and non-lurkers out there, write me!
anyways, i'm going home soon. not sure what i'm doing for dinner, though. last night, paul gave me a call sometime after 7 and asked if i wanted to join him and nelson for some pizza chicago. sigh, if only he had called me soon, as i had already eaten. i felt a little warm and fuzzy that he thought of me, though, as i had just written that day about how i craved pizza. thanks paul!
all righty, i'm off.
anyways, i am glad it's already tuesday. 4-day workweeks are good things; they make me very happy.
i've been hitting the sack earlier and earlier. not that i am sleeping that much more, but i've just been taking my nightly shower and getting into bed before 8 sometimes. but instead of going to sleep, i've been watching my shows in bed, naked. naked tv watching is nice! although in the position i'm in, my neck hurts after craning it to see the small 13" television in my room.
so i saw last night's _american idol_. it was the guys' turn to sing. of the 12 guys, not one of them appealed to me, not in the way john stevens made me smile. i hope there's at least one good girl tonight, or else i'm going to stop watching the show.
i need to shave. i keep licking my mustache and foodsaver stubs, and it feels like somebody slobbered all over me.
my tics are getting pretty bad these days. when i sleep, my muscles tighten up to the point there it hurts to turn or tilt my head in the mornings. *RAAR* i don't know what else i can do, aside from upping my medication. sigh. be glad you people out there don't have tourette's! it really sucks.
i need to do my taxes. i'm fretting over my satellite radio stocks (XMSR and SIRI) because they've both gone up quite a bit since i bought them. *sigh* it's always tough to know when to sell. i mean, do you keep on waiting for them to go higher, but then again, if you do, what happens if they keep dropping? when do you cut it loose? yes, greed is a big factor. greed and hope.
i crave pizza. the last time i had it was when a group of us went to pizza chicago, and nelson ordered this "great chicago fire" flavor that was awesome. it had cilantro (which i picked off), garlic, hot peppers and sausage. yum. that was some good shit. maybe one of these days i'll splurge and get a whole pizza for myself.
oh. i went to pasta pomodoro for some takeout last night, and the sad news is that they don't carry the gemelli anymore! i mean, they have the same dish, but with rigatoni instead of the corkscrew pasta, but the pasta itself was part of the reason why it was so damn good! (i think the latter type of pasta traps the sauce better, thus more taste.) sigh. the end of an era.
these days, i've been craving certain foods. it's like i'm pregnant or something.
ok, that's it for today. toodles!
the weekend started off well, but then it got really boring. let's see here...
friday night, i met up with ting and alan at queen house for some dinner, and then it was off to see _ong bak_, this thai martial arts movie. the action was pretty good, and i was impressed to later find out that they didn't use any special effects or wires. flying knees and flying elbows! i kept on thinking of sagat from the street fighter videogame series.
then, i met up with jay and margaret on sunday to check out their new house and try out a new vietnamese place. i was really excited that they carried vietnamese sandwiches, and they were only $1.95!
afterwards, i drove to barden's place to meet dishi and kara. we putzed around for a while, watching the maryland/virginia basketball game go to double overtime, and then we went to the rec room and played some pingpong. then, we hit the bowling alley, where i bowled a measly 124. i guess i'm rusty. and we had dinner at gombei. yum. chicken katsu curry!
sunday, i woke up to catch the stanford/ucla game. it was a good win for us, but the bad news was that from then on, i wouldn't see any real live people. i took a nap on the futon and then went to alan's place for 10 minutes to drop off his mail. he was suffering from a bad headache, and thus couldn't entertain, so i left him alone and drove home and slept after grabbing some poo (that's jun pad poo) at krung thai restaurant.
monday, i went to stanford campus and just walked around after getting a jamba juice. then i went to stanford mall, but didn't buy anything. i'm just not in a shopping mood these days. i went home, took another nap, and finished off the night watching american idol and, of course, sportscenter. and that was it for my weekend.
so yeah, it's friday! woo-hoo! not sure what i'm doing this weekend, though; it seems no one i know has monday off except me. maybe i'll revert to my winter-break mode on monday, waking up at 11 to watch reruns of _dawson's creek_, and then taking a nap in the afternoon to while away the hours.
i hope to see alan, though; i miss that dude terribly. maybe dinner tonight, we shall see.
this week has been a slow one in terms of progress. it's hard to believe that a mere two and a half weeks ago was when we first talked, and a week and a half ago was when we had that basketball outing. it seems like a lot longer.
i got hit with these weird comment entries this morning; you can see them in the previous post. it got so bad that i had to close down the comment section. i really need to install movabletype 3.x, but i'm afraid it'll fuck up my system and overwrite stuff.
i drink a lot of fluids at work, but i never drink water. currently, i have two dr peppers and four vitasoy's. it's gotten to the point where i have to go to the bathroom fairly frequently, and the good news is that my piss is clear. that's a good sign of well-hydration, right? :)
anyways, the bad tics are making me smoke more. i've had 9 today already, and i'm not showing any signs of slowing down. damn, i need to quit soon; my goal is to quit smoking by the time i'm thirty (which is about 9 months away), but i kind of need it to combat my tics. hm. and no, i haven't tried the patch yet. i have a patch kit at home, but i'm not ready to quit just yet.
life is slow.
last sunday, at greg's birthday party, i brought over the 750ml of patron tequila that i got for a christmas gift exchange. we drank quite a bit of it, and when we left, i decided not to take back the bottle of tequila. i thought it was a bit rude to bring something and then take it back. what do you think? that's some good tequila that i left behind!
i'd like to throw a party again. but, living alone, i don't want to face the morning after, i.e. the place being a mess with half-drunk cups and bottlecaps and stuff like that. hm. the best thing about having a house party is that i get to drink as much as i want; when i go out, i usually limit myself to two drinks and don't even get buzzed, so it's no fun.
oh, btw, i'm wearing a buttondown today. that's rare news, because ever since it got cold here, i've been sticking to long-sleeve t-shirts. but today, i'm wearing an old staple outfit of mine: my orange/green oasis flag shirt and my checked banana republic buttondown. i've noticed that the shirt looks a little bit on me, which is no doubt because i've lost so much weight.
ok, that's it for me this week. have a good one! i'll see you guys on tuesday, ok? :)
google phrase of the day:
"bukkake work wanted"
hm. is there a job market for this stuff? like, is there a listing on monster.com for "willing to get bucketfulls of spooge dumped on my face?" how odd!
i am full. we had our ice cream social, apparently every 3rd thursday in the month. i had some cookie dough, some cookies and cream, and some buttered pecan. damn, that's a lot of ice cream. but yesterday, i weighed myself, and i was 160, so that's a good sign that i'm gaining weight.
i thought for a moment about inviting cwg to join us. they don't know about these ice cream events because they don't get company e-mail. but i balked at the last minute because from her brief IM today, she seemed really busy. and she looked tired, too, with her hair in a ponytail. i wonder if she had a late night yesterday.
my tics are flaring up to the point where i'm sort of paralyzed. i've been having cigarettes very often these days to combat the anxiety (over the tics). hm. and the extra haldol (i'm on 4mg a day) isn't helping either. i wonder what's up.
my neck isn't doing much better, either. i got my massage yesterday, and there were a lot of sore spots on my neck. i didn't feel much better afterwards, and i almost asked for acupuncture, despite my fear of needles. yuck.
the water at my place is very kooky. sometimes, there's enough hot water for a nice long hot scalding shower, but other times, like last night, there was only a few minutes worth before it got lukewarm. *RAAR* i like my showers hot!
i need to look for a roommate soon. if any of you out there has a friend who is looking to rent a place in mountain view, send them my way! the empty room i have right now is very nice... it's big, has its own balcony AND its own double occupancy bathroom (meaning two sinks and a large shower space).
i'm tired. tired of the chase. hell, my chases the past half decade have never worked out, so i have spent all this energy and time and emotion... all for nothing. sigh. i mean, it's one thing if the chase actually produced some results, but i've struck out so many fucking times! it's getting old.
ok, that's enough from me today. i'm spent.
i have a zit on my right asscheek. when i wiggle around in my chair, i can feel it. it sort of hurts. *RAAR*
after watching like 4 episodes of _committed_, i have decided that it's a bad show. at first, i thought it was a bit quirky, but now i've come to realize that it's a bad show about supposedly quirky people. and the canned laughter is really, REALLY annoying. the laughtrack kicks in when something completely unfunny is going on! talk about a nuisance!
i'm also not looking forward to tonight's _alias_. for reasons which i've stated before, this show has gone downhill fast. they need a plot thread that weaves all the episodes together, rather than having miniplots that being and end in each episode.
and on top of that, _american idol_ is really uninteresting right now. there isn't someone that really stands out to me, like what john stevens did last year. and i'm bummed that this year's crooner got cut. sigh.
ok, enough tv talk.
my neck has been really killing me. so much so that i am considering one of two things: 1) getting acupuncture and 2) going to see my chiropractor. it's worst when i sleep, which is weird, and it makes my tics really hurt. i did schedule a massage tonight, and hopefully that eases up the tension a bit.
damn this ass zit!
i've always loved e-mail relationships. there's something about it that really makes it suited to my style of interaction. i like the fact that a person can respond at his or her own leisure, and i like the fact that i can take my time in formulating my thoughts. i guess it just means that i'm not that good at fly-by-my-seat, real-time conversations. i must work on that.
today's my little brother's birthday. happy birthday, randy! he's 19 now, and it's amazing to know that he's growing up. when i picture him, he's still the little 8-year-old that i used to know. sooo cute!
is it easy to upgrade to a newer version of movabletype? (preferably one with comment spam protection) the last time i mucked around with an installation, it was a complete installation, as my database had been corrupted by the disk being full. i have well over 1500 comment spam entries, and i really don't want to get any more. hence thinking of upgrading. maybe i should recruit somebody to help me do it.
but anyways, these days are crawling by. and yet, it's already wednesday. i really want thing to progress with cwg, but i'm a little unsure about how to go about things now.
ok, that's enough for today. ciao!
weird thing. i went to the bathroom, and i was peeing in two streams! i know this isn't a rare occurrence, but from what i've heard, it usually happens after sex, you know, when the tube is partially occupied by other "stuff." hm.
i just got some fig newtons from the vending machine. to my dismay, they're fat free newtons. fat free usually means taste free, so i'm not too excited about them anymore. *takes a bite* yup, they're kinda dry and flavorless. ick. down with fat free goods!
tics are bad these days. when i lie down, my neck starts hurting a lot when i turn my head. i'm not sure what to do about this; a massage helps a bit, but they're $40 a pop. and i've been avoiding my chiropractor because he'll start bugging me about going on that carb-free diet. sigh. what a dilemma.
i got bored today and did a google search on one of my old teachers back in high school. well, actaully, she wasn't a teacher, but one of my acdec coaches. it turns out that i found her, and she's doing well, so that made me happy. i really should keep in better touch with my old teachers; after all, they were a big influence on me.
i am still a bit confused about A and how she just started ignoring me a few months ago. i mean, one moment, we were getting along well, and the next, she stops returning phone calls and IM's and e-mails. hm. i wonder what happened with her.
so the writing on a carton of vitasoy says that one soymilk drink provides about 25% of a full daily dose of soy protein. and that it helps with heart disease. (not that my smoking helps) but anyways, with that information, i'm going to aim for 4 vitasoy drinks a day. it helps that i really like the taste of the stuff, especially when sufficiently chilled.
happy birthday to the yujster! he's gonna go grab a free bday dinner at todai, this monstrosity of a japanese buffet in cupertino.
i wonder if my body's in a state of atrophy. i mean, when i'm home, i'm lying down or sitting, and at work, i'm plastered to this chair. i haven't exercised in well over a month, either. hm. yup, i've been skipping lunch basketball outings (every tuesday and thursday) because of cwg. this better be worth something! har har
it's really interesting how people get to know each other. i mean, two weeks ago today was the first time i talked to her. and one week ago today was our basketball outing. for whatever reason, my preoccupation with her has slowed time down, which i don't mind. i just hope this goes somewhere, and not somewhere lame.
anyways, i better sign off. my tics are calling. *RAAR*
so i guess i should say, "happy valentine's day" to all you ones with significant others, but bah humbug. i don't have that special someone, so i'm not going to be tendering any good wishes on you all. that's right. i'm a bitter single guy. :) just kidding, sort of.
it's raining today. and i think it's going to be raining for quite some time, so that means no basketball with cwg. sigh.
so stanford basketball is now in very bad shape. we lost our top scorer in dan grunfeld... he tore his ACL, and he's out for the season. sigh. what bad fucking luck.
anyways, not much to report from this rainy dreary monday. i made the mistake of wearing a short-sleeve polo, and now i'm shivering because it's so cold in the office (and outside). damn. better stick with long-sleeve shirts in the wintertime.
i got a wedding invitation today. it's at the end of may in boston. hm. i don't think i am going to go by myself and brave the boston streets in a rental car... driving around there is tough! so i'll just send over a nice gift or something instead.
so the update here is that went in and talked to cwg on friday afternoon; i got her AIM screenname! that's progress, right? but she isn't logged on very often, so i can't chat with her whenever i feel like it. hm. somehow, though, the fact that she's in the same building as i am makes IM'ing her a bit weird. but we'll see if i can gather enough momentum the next time she logs on.
i'm excited for this weekend (already) because i get monday off. now the only thing i have to do is make sure there will be people around for me to hang out with. yup, i gotta make plans early! and the 4-day workweek next week will be nice, because the next holiday is three months later (memorial day).
what else is going on? hm. i need to find a hobby. i haven't listened to music at home in such a long time that my iTunes "recently played" list is empty. and i stopped getting _time_ about 5 months ago, so there goes me trying to be "worldly."
but yeah, things are going ok so far this year. my tics are definitely bothering me, and as usual, they flare up during meals. the worst is when i'm holding a drink in my hand, and when i tic, the drink splatters all over the place. man, i gotta find a way out of this ticcy hell.
ok, that's enough updates for today. cross you fingers for me and hope that cwg logs on AIM! (talking to her is going to be more difficult from now on because her coworkers are back in that little room where they do their thing.)
friday night was pretty boring. i was waiting for a call from alan, but he never contacted me. so i waited to have dinner with them, but in the end, i just picked up some fast food, watched some NBA on tv, and went to sleep.
i woke up early (that's 10:30am) on saturday and head over to stanford campus to watch the on ensemble do a run-through of the first half of their performance. they have this awesome song called "turns" which features taiko, a drum set, and turntables. it's like a beastie boys jam session!
at noon, i went to sushi house and had lunch with emi, her parents, dishi and sharon, and barden. it was wonderful to see emi again, in her pink blazer.
afterwards, we watched the concert. it was a good show, but i felt a bit out of place afterwards. the taiko community is a close-knit group, and somehow i just feel like i'm an outsider. i roamed around a lot, wallflowered, and just didn't talk to many people. sigh. i took off early, watched some tv, and went to sleep, skipping dinner.
sunday, i woke up at noon and headed over to greg's place for his birthday party. it was a good crowd of people, and i had a bacardi raz and three shots of patron tequila. that made me sleepy, so after i got home, i took a nap on the futon before calling up jay and margaret.
dinner was with those two; we hit sneha for some good indian buffet food, and i caught up with them and their move into their new house. sigh. i wonder when i'll be able to afford a house here in the bay area. but anyways, i went back all full and happy and went to sleep.
so they had greek food at my company's free friday lunch, but i bailed on it to get some japanese food (and roasted barley balls) with alan. we talked girl strategy the whole time.
i don't like wearing white. it gets dirty too easily, especially in the neck region and near the wrists. and being a lazy laundry-doer, i sometimes wear my shirts multiple times before i finally wash them, so the white ones are usually in very bad shape by the time they hit the washing machine.
anyways, it's friday! i'm very happy about that, and i look forward to doing some taiko-related activities tomorrow. it's a shame, though, because one of my friends (who i was going to pick up in the city) called me late last night and bailed. i will try to convince her to come tonight; i haven't seen this person in years!
anyways, i don't have any plans for tonight. maybe i'll just stay home and watch the mavs vs. kings game on tv. sigh. i need to find myself a group of friends that go out often, so i can tag along; last friday's pub night at rudy's was pretty fun, i thought. (despite my refusal to dance)
and i don't have plans for sunday either. shit, the second sunday in a long time that there's no football to watch! (no, i don't consider the pro bowl a "real" game.)
which reminds me. i'll be missing the stanford vs. cal basketball game tomorrow. shucks. i'll be at a taiko function all afternoon, and even though i'll be on campus (the game is at home at maples), i won't have any means to watch the game. sucks. but go cardinal, though... we need to win our next 3 games at home.
it's raining over here. i hate it. it means i won't have an opportunity to play horse again anytime soon. :(
life has gotten a little one-dimensional lately. meaning, i have been preoccupied with one thing and one thing only these days. i guess it's fair to say that i have an obsessive personality, and while it keeps things interesting, it's also kind of boring. *shrug*
i have to pee a lot these days. i think it's a good thing, and it means that i've been drinking my fair share of liquids. of course, i never drink *water*, it's always something else, like vitasoy and dr pepper. but either way, i go to the bathroom multiple times, which is sort of surprising because i used to only take two leaks a day: once when i get out of bed, and once before i go to bed. not healthy, methinks.
anyways, i've been steadily building back hits week by week. i don't think it's an increase of readership, but rather my writing attracts a lot of sick google searches. so it's not really something to be proud of.
so yeah. i've run out of things to say. and on that note, have a great weekend folks!
yuck. i have a headache today. just got it within the last hour or so. it throbs!
i was sorely disappointed with _alias_ last night. this show is getting to be 100% episodal, without any common thread weaving all the episodes together. and what's worse, sydney was hallucinating stuff on the show. hellucinations sort of freak me out, especially when they're of spiders and other creepy things.
and they moved _american idol_ to 9pm, so it collided with _alias_. damn the tv schedule!
i need a bigger tv in my room. right now, my big television is downstairs, so i'm using this dinky 13" tv in my bedroom. i almost have to squint to be able to see anything. but, i can't really justify getting another big screen, can i?
i've been asking various people (you know who you are) about this issue i've been having over friendster. in the end, i got three negatives and no positives. so it looks like i won't be using the service to contact this person. sigh. but i want to write this person *so* badly! arrrgh. so close, yet so far.
i don't like to be held back.
i've been very preoccupied these days. hence my lack of content. apologies.
ok, i'm going to have a cig break. brb.
i'm back! while i was out there, i thought about the drama that's been going on my life lately. i mean, in a way, it's sort of pathetic because the drama most likely affects on *me*, and not the other person. the other person has no clue, most likely, how i've been affected. and when drama is like that (not reciprocated), it becomes sort of lame. sigh.
i need to get started on finding a roommate. i'm still sort of iffy about it, you know, the whole "getting along" thing and what not. but i can't afford my rent by myself, so better get cracking on it.
i've been paranoid about people at my workplace (excluding W, my wingman) reading my blog. so today, W's not checking my blog, so i know that anyone who checks it with my company's name in sitemeter is an unknown reader. so far, so good, though...
but yeah, living alone so far has kind of sucked. i miss the presence of alan and ting, even if we're not talking. i like having roommates around because it makes me feel safe at home. without other people, a house just becomes a barren venue reeking of solitude. *blech*
but anyways, tomorrow is friday and the end of yet another week in 2005. sigh. my life's not going anywhere! *RAAR*
happy chinese new year! did anybody get any red envelopes? :)
so what's up? i know i'm updating late, but i haven't been motivated to write since yesterday afternoon, hence my short entry from tuesday. nothing much going on, you know.
this season's _american idol_ isn't as interesting as last year. i guess it's because there's no john stevens for me to root for. there is, however, another crooner guy, and i hope he makes it through to the finals. i don't know why i like crooners, but i guess it stems from my love of oldies music.
i met up with alan and ting yesterday for dinner. the venue? carl's jr. ick. i usually hate to go there, and the place sounds good only if i'm horribly famished. however, i got this chili cheeseburger, and it was actually decent, despite being a little cold. that's my main beef with this place... they serve cold food.
anyways, after dinner, they came over and cleaned out their bedroom. so now i'm all set to show it to prospective roommates. i think i'll post something on the stanford incircle website first, and then i'll move on to craigslist later if i don't get any good bites.
i'm just worried about having a random roommate. like, whether they'll have lots of strangers over, whether they'll accidentally leave the stove on and burn down the place, or if they get all "single white female" on me (um, the male version) and start fucking with my life, you know?
this weekend, i have an on ensemble concert to go to. that means: taiko alum reunion! hehe. i'll be picking gina up from the city beforehand, and hopefully i'll get to meet up with emi and company (dishi and barden) for lunch. it'll be good to see them. if you haven't seen good taiko, check out the show. it's at 2:30 at dinkelspiel auditorium at stanford.
i need to do my taxes. i think i have all my W-2's and 1099-INT's and what not; i just need to find and hour or two to sit down with the stuff and complete the forms. i've been doing my taxes online, so it's relatively painless, and if i recall, it's entirely paper-free!
i've been going crazy with the vitasoy lately. yesterday, i had FIVE of them. but i have this notion that soymilk is good for me, i.e. protein and all that. but there is a lot of sugar i'm ingesting, too, so maybe i should take it easy on the vitasoy.
anyways, i plan to have showered and be in bed by 8:00 tonight. i've started to watch tv in bed lately. even though it sort of hurts my neck, it's kind of relaxing to be lying down when the tv's on. on tap for tonight? _american idol_ and _alias_. yup. go go television!
so yeah, i just got back from shooting the basketball and stuff with cute work girl. she's got a good shot! apparently, she played point guard in high school, and the training really showed in her shooting mechanics. we played horse, and she was leading for quite a while before i finally won by one letter.
anyways, friendster is cool. and that's all the detail i'll go into. :)
ok, back to basketball with cwg. i asked her yesterday if she wanted to go shoot some hoops, so today, after lunch, i asked her again. she was busy, so later on, i went down there again and asked. so we made an appointment for 4pm. it was nice. i like her. chemistry seems good, without any awkward pauses in conversation as we shot the ball and stuff.
so what else is going on today? hm. lunch was bi bim bap, and they had this whole dish that was just mushrooms. it turned out to be pretty tasty, which is a big difference from the mediocre fare they usually serve here.
oh, and before i forget. happy new year's eve everybody! what year is it, by the way? rooster or something?
ok, not much to say right now. i'm still mulling over the basketball shooting event. not sure where to go next. keep meeting at the hoop? i wanted to ask her out today, but the question just didn't feel right. sigh.
anyways, take care people. i'm off.
*yawn*
so like i said, i did a decent amount of stuff over the weekend, and now i'm just tired. i am very conflicted on weekends because on one hand, i want to rest and relax, but on the other hand, it's the only time i have to be social and get out and do stuff.
there are two people who know about my little crush on cute work girl. the other one (non-wingman) chose to sit at the same island of tables at her today during lunch. so that gave me the opportunity to sit right next to her. you'd think that was a good thing, but it wasn't.
basically, i didn't get to talk to her during the meal because she was focused in on the two coworkers she had on her end. so i got kind of frustrated. but anyways, when she left, i did call out her name and ask her if she wanted to shoot some hoops sometime. she smiled and said "sure," but hell, it was raining today, and i think it's still a little bit wet out. so i'll have to ask her later on in the week.
i think i'm gonna get a haircut today. except that i'm wearing a shirt that i don't want to fuck up with all those stray hairs that are left behind. hm. i am getting shaggy, and it looks horrible.
shit. i need to get my ass moving on finding a roommate. what should i say in my ad to deter psychos from responding?
i miss alan and ting. a lot. *sniff* sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and realize that there's no one in the bedroom across the hall, and i get sad. sigh. they were good roommates, and it was fun living with them.
have you guys seen the nike pro ad with various baseball/football athletes wearing creepy masks? that ad freaks me out, and the music doesn't help, either.
ok, nothing much else to report over here. i just hope i can shoot some hoops with cute work girl sometime soon. it's my opportunity to find out if she has a boyfriend and to ask her out if she doesn't. can't wait!
so let's see here... friday night, i met up with mike and shirley at pizza my heart and scarfed down some greasy slices before meeting up with nelson, paul, leeya, and mia at rudy's for some drinking. i had a jameson on the rocks and a rather large shot of patrone tequila; it was enough to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but not give me a buzz, as i had to drive my ass back home.
i realized that i'm not much of a dancer these days. back in college, i LOVED to dance, as i thought this was the ultimate form of self-expression. nowadays, i just sort of sway. needless to say, when the girls and some of the guys went to hit the dance floor, i stayed back with paul and kept my ass planted on my seat.
i didn't fall asleep until about 2am, and i had to get up the next day to watch stanford lose to arizona. sigh. we just didn't look very good, and now, after winning 6 straight games in the PAC-10, we got swept by the arizona schools. damn. there go our tournament hopes; we're on the bubble!
i met up at paul's house, and five of us (mike, paul, nelson, me, and geoff went up to treasure island to take some pictures. sigh. i don't know what is up with me, but i have just lost interest in taking pictures. the other guys took like 30-100 pictures, and i took a grand total of... NINE.
but it was nice to get out and hang out with the guys. we went to pizza chicago for dinner, and damn, the "great chicago fire" pizza is really good, with its spicy peppers and roasted garlic.
the problem with saturday, though, was that i ran out of cigarettes, so i didn't have a way to calm down. thus, my tics got very bad. i was twitching all over the place, and it was just very uncomfortable, to say the least.
sunday, i woke up at 12:30, and drive to safeway to pick up some stuff. man, super bowl sunday is the only time of the year where the grocery store is packed with MEN. yup, men buying chips (they cleared out the section of tortilla chips) and beer.
around 3pm, adam came over, and we watched the super bowl, just the two of us. he brought over two super carnitas burritos, wet style, and i thought it tasted funny, a little sweet. the game it self was pretty boring, as this time, i wasn't really rooting for anybody.
the ads were sort of lame this year, and nothing really stood out. so all in all, a pretty lame super bowl, despite adam's good company. next time, though, i'm going to try to plan further in advance and get some more people over.
and that was it. in other news, my stiff neck is back, and it hurts like a mofo.
so things have (temporarily, i hope) stalled with cute work girl. i'm sort of clueless as to how to approach the next step, which is talking to her more and eventually asking her out. hm. it doesn't help that she's surrounded by coworkers in that conference room, so i can't get any alone time with her.
_OC_ spoiler alert (don't read this paragraph!). i'm very disappointed with the plot as it deals with marisa. i mean, it seems like the writers just wanted something shocking in her life, so they wrote her in as being bi-curious with a potential lesbian relationship?! that's just unrealistic! but i do like the summer and seth sexual tension; it looks like next week, he's going to try to steal her back from zach.
*yawn*
this cold sore/staph infection is really gross. today, after i woke up, i yawned, and it split open the wound again. i picked off two scabs, which, like i said, is a compulsion of mine that delays healing. they smell really nasty! the antibiotics my dermatologist gave me better work fast. but yeah, it's a pretty ugly thing to behold.
i was sorely disappointed by stanford's loss to arizona state last night. that ike diogu is a monster. and we had way too many turnovers, and couldn't get decent looks at the basket from 3-point land. man, i'm nervous about our team this year. if we don't make the tournament, i'll be really disappointed. :(
so i'm going drinking tonight. which is a rare thing; i don't think i've ever met up with friends for the sake of drinking, but the bowling gang is set to meet at rudy's in palo alto tonight for some imbibing. of course, i'm driving myself, so i'm just going to have one (or maybe two) whiskeys. it looks like the turnout will be small, though, but i do want to get out for a bit.
and i can't even sleep in tomorrow. stanford is playing arizona at 10am, which is earlier than i get up on the weekdays. the way i see it, we really need to win this one to keep up in the pac-10 and get another quality win under our belts.
sigh. just to let you know, a vast amount of my free time is spent thinking about cute work girl. i know i get obsessive about things, and this is no exception. i just like her, that's all. *shrug*
i do want to thank my wingman, W, for suffering through the horrible meals in the cafeteria just for the sake of the possibility of running into her. yesterday, she gave me a nice "hi, dardy," but at lunch today, she and her posse didn't show up. and that bummed me out.
drama! i love it!
ok, have a good weekend folks. enjoy super sunday responsibly!
damn, this cold sore/staph infection on my lip is really grossing me out. it looks like i've got this nasty-ass pus-yellow THING growing on my face. i picked off part of the scab (because it was annoying me), but i think this is just going to set the stage for further infection. i sure hope the antibiotics that my dermatologist prescribed me yesterday work... ugh, i look hideous.
what's more, i have this compulsion to aggravate the injury by opening my mouth really wide (which i do frequently) so that the scab splits and stings. why do i do it? i dunno. i can't help it; i just like hurting myself, i guess. :/
and the juice that comes out of the sore smells really bad.
hehehehe. ok, i'll stop talking about my wounds now.
so the invitation to sit with us at lunch is not being taken. i think i need another approach with cute work girl. i have this sinking suspicion that she may have a boyfriend. i've got no evidence, but things just usually turn out shitty for me anyway. i've come to expect the worse, i guess... goes back to me being a pessimist and all.
i've had four vitasoy drinks today. i love the stuff. AND it gives me protein!
looking forward to going home today. first, there's the stanford vs. arizona state game on tv, and after that (before the game ends even) there's _the OC_. sexual tension abounds between seth and summer!
i love sexual tension. you know, when both people like each other, but neither one of them has made a move yet. throughout my life, i'm always late on getting together, at least that's what the evidence points to. previous gf's have told me that i could have kissed them sooner, etc. damn, i'm a slowpoke, i know. i wonder what girls i have missed in my life due to my cowardice.
i think i've decided that i'm going to find a roommate instead of moving out. so if you know someone who can afford around $900/month in rent and would like to live with me in a swanky townhouse, let me know! yes, i know $900 is steep, but you get your own large master bedroom with a balcony and your own private bathroom. and, i'll throw in the garage, too!
ok, just got back from a smoking break. grabbed my 5th vitasoy on the way back. *smacks his lips*
i've noticed that for some odd reason, my haldol tablets are 1mg each instead of 2mg. so that means i'm on half the haldol dosage than what i should be taking. hm. maybe that's why my tics are getting worse? maybe.
anyways, i have nothing further to report. toodles!
you know what's weird? so after i talked to the girl yesterday, somehow, i don't want her as much. that's not to say i don't *want* her, but there's just less excitement about it as the angst i've built up over the past few weeks before our conversation.
hm. so maybe it's true. maybe i *do* like the chase more than anything. maybe i like the drama of it all. sigh. maybe mike is right.
so she didn't sit with us today during lunch. her coworker got her food first, and she (apparently clueless about my invitation) just sat somewhere else. hm. i guess i just have to hope that she'll get her food first next time and remember about my invite.
so this picture of a perfect ass (not really safe for work) has been getting a lot of hits lately. maybe it's been indexed by google images or something. *shrug* but i do like that picture. the perfectly round and plump derriere makes me want to take a nice bite into it and gnaw on it for a little while. :)
so i got back from my dermatologist appointment a while ago. it's amazing, because i haven't gone to her in several years, and she remembered me! i got prescribed the same thing (desonide and fluocinonide), but this time, the creams aren't past expiration, haha. i just hope they work. i also got some antibiotics, because what i thought was a cold sore on my lips might actually be a staph infection. yikes!
so super sunday is coming up. so far, only adam i slated to come. i might want to invite some more people. so if you want to come watch the game with us, let me know!
i really need to find out if cute work girl has a boyfriend. if she does, it'll save me a lot of anguish, and it's better to know now before i invest too much of my emotions in her. hm. how to find out? i think the next time we talk, i'll ask her what she does on weekends (i.e. hang out with the bf) or what her valentine's day plans are.
she does have a nice voice, though. i like it.
anyways, it's hump day, and i'm itching to go home and lie down. my neck (because of the tics) is killing me, and i need some relief!
you guys better be proud of me, that's all i can say.
why?
because i talked to her.
!!
yup, you read it correctly. i talked to her. i noticed today that her usual coworkers (who work with her in a cramped conference room) weren't there, so i figured that she would be alone in her room. so after my 2:30 meeting was over, i decided to go downstairs and just fucking do it.
unfortunately, the moment my elevator opened, i noticed her go into the women's restroom. so i went outside and had a smoke.
and then i had another cigarette. you know, to calm my nerves.
when i went back up to her floor, i walked by the conference room and said, "so, where's your usual posse?" and that started the conversation, which lasted a few minutes.
:)
so now, i have a name to associate with the face, and i also extended an invitation for her and her coworkers to sit with me and W at lunch, which is a key event because that gives me another venue for chatting.
so, what's the next step, guys? #1, i presume, is finding out whether she's seeing someone, as a positive on that question makes this all for naught. that would be devastating, ne?
anyways, i'm glad that i finally grew some balls and just did it. although, it took some time because the major factor (that i had to wait for) was getting her alone so i could talk to her without being in front of everybody else.
as far as other things go, my tics are steadily degrading. my massage last night, while it felt good during, didn't alleviate any of the pain i'm feeling in the left side of my neck. and my constant crunching-to-the-left tic is getting to be big OUCHES. i see my psych tomorrow, though i'm not sure what he can do to help me.
tomorrow is going to suck, as far as work productivity goes. i have my psych appointment in the morning, and at 2:30pm i have to drive all the way back to palo alto to see my dermatologist. at least i'll have some medicine for the nasty eczema that's been creeping up on my neck and face. YUCK.
ok, that's it for today. i know a 3-4 minute conversation with the girl isn't much, but i'm still proud of myself for doing it. *huzzah*