well, the shit really hit the fan today at work. two of my team members, including the project lead, quit. which leaves me behind, fucked because i needed their help in my coding modifications. what the fuck am i supposed to do now??!
sleep was good last night, which was a nice change from the panic attack hell that i've been going through. it was nice and snuggly, but i couldn't help but wonder how and when i'm going to ever be free of these panic attacks. trust me, you *don't* want to go through this shit. it is really scary to say the least.
this time tomorrow, i will have touched down in dallas, reunited with my family for the first time there in like 4-5 years. i am looking forward to seeing my good old family, and it should be a good break away from work.
you know of my fear of needles? well, it's going to be tested. i was sent by my chironeuro to get a blood test of allergens. he has the crazy idea that my tourette's might be aggravated by an allergy to wheat or gluten. i think it's bogus (since i know my body and the fact that it's work stress that is my main nemesis), but i didn't have the heart to tell them. so in conclusion, next week i'm going to get like five vials of blood drawn. that needle is fucking thick! :/
ah, stress. i am so weak and vulnerable to it. is there such thing as a stress-free job? if so, i need to find it, and find it quick.
aside from my panic attacks, though, my tics are not causing much anxiety. the irony is that *during* those attacks, i have seemingly infinite anxiety over them. so it's either 0 or 100, i guess. sigh.
i saw my psychiatrist today, and he prescribed me some xanax as an emergency medicine to calm me down during a panic attack. hopefully, *if* i get hit with one again, this medication will put me to sleep within a few minutes. we'll see.
still, there's lots of stress swirling around my head these days. first is the job, second is my team members leaving me high and dry, and lastly, it's the fact that alan is moving out within the month. lots of changes are going on, and i don't react well to them.
i wonder if i can ask alan to stay as a favor to me. it's sort of a shitty thing to ask, since he's motivated by personal and financial reasons. hmm. i hate to see him go, though; i've lived with him four times, and he's a wonderful roommate to have.
many sighs.
but anyways, to all of you, have a safe and happy thanksgiving! i'll catch you later, ok?