i had another night of hell last night. this time, it was the same, very scary, very frightful. it ended sometime past midnight, and lasted for about four hours. damnit! why does this keep happening to me?
other than that, nothing much to report. i saw my chiro neuro today, and he wants me to get some blood tests to see if i have any allergies to wheat and gluen. what the hell is gluten? anyways, i'm sort of annoyed by all this, because i think it's barking up the wrong tree. plus, getting blood tests is a pain in the ass; i have to drive to palo alto medical foundation to get it, stuff the vials in an insulated box with ice, and mail it off the next day. shoot, that's a lot of time running around!
after my appointment, i had lunch with a bunch of ex-coworkers from gfn. it was pleasant to see them, but i just don't connect with any of them, so it was kinda boring for me.
_scrubs_ is on tonight!
for whatever reason, my satellite radio stocks (SIRI and XMSR) are going crazy (a good crazy). now them problem is telling when the hype will die down and when to sell the stocks. i'm up like 500% on SIRI!
i have come to realize that there is so much shit that goes on during life. relationships, friends, errands, bills, mortgages, and worst of all, work. i really miss my college days when the only things i had to worry about were studying and homework and tests. ah, it seems so simple back then, doesn't it?
and now, my life is just a big old mess.
i think i might take tomorrow off. i'm gonna tell my boss about the nervous breakdowns i've been having, and hopefully he'll let me rest up before i leave for dallas. i am petrified of going through another one of these episodes, especially in front of my parents. that would just break their hearts.
i wish i weren't so fragile. the slightest bit of stress seems major to me, and i don't react well. i think i inherited this anxiety-proneness from my mom's side of the family. it's funny how you can inherit personality traits, huh? maybe there should be research done on an "anxiety gene."
anyhow, i am not taking good care of myself. but the tradeoffs are sort of the problem. what i mean is, the best thing for me is to quit my job, but then, i'd be lacking an income, which i need. tradeoffs, see?
in any case, we'll see what happens to me. i still have hope that things will turn out well, but i think the journey to that place is going to be windy and tough.