this blog is slowly dying. i'm just out of things to talk about, i guess. part of it's my mental state; my brain is just preoccupied with its well-being, and doesn't find any time to think of cool blogable topics. :(
i am doing a bit better today, though. it's weird, but my don't seem to mind my tics; i'm not getting the anxiety over them like i usually do.
still, my work scares me. literally. when i wake up in the mornings, i count down to my departure time, and i get more and more stressed. it's this damn edge enhancement block i'm working on; it's a toughie, and i just can't wrap my brain around it fully. *RAAR*
at least there's _scrubs_ tonight. although 9:30 is getting to be a bit late for me; because i wake up when the sun rises (around 6:30 or so), i need to sleep way early to get the 10 hours that i want. yeah, there's something fucked up about my sleep schedule.
i am not happy at my current workplace. not happy at all.
there's also something wrong with my appetite. i'm not hungry when i should be, and when it comes time to eat something, i wind up eating it very slowly, as if i don't want to. my dad always said that lacking an appetite is a sure sign that a person is sick, and i think he's right about that.
during my massive nervous breakdown on saturday night, one of the things i did to try to bring some sanity back was watching a bit of porn. and nothing happened! no boners, no nothing! i wasn't excited by it, i just didn't care for it. now THAT is a sure sign that there was something horribly wrong with me. :/
my life is one big rut right now. and the rut is very deep.
i'm down to 155 pounds right now. that's not very far from where i was in college, back when i was a skeleton. i'm getting a little concerned about my weight; i've lost almost 50 pounds since last christmas! isn't that a little alarming?
anyways, my left ear hurts, and i was just feeling around, and i found a scab along the inner edge! OUCH! how did i hurt my ear? poor thing...
have you ever run into something at work that you just didn't know how to do? how did that make you feel? frustrated? helpless? yeah, that's where i am right now. i keep looking for exit strategies, like having the architects drop the feature, or leaving the company in a lurch, but none of those seem realistic. so i guess i just gotta do it, huh?
anyways, that's it for today. sigh. more useless words from the land of the futile.