had another mini-breakdown today. it seems tuesdays are the day to have them, as this pattern has repeated itself for a few weeks now. i think it's the post-lunch meeting; something about it just stresses me out.
my massage was pretty good last night, except that i have this shooting pain in my arm whenever i tic. and in certain spots on my back and left shoulder, applying pressure (done by the masseuse) causes the pain to worsen. it's like my nerves are all jumbled up and misfiring and stuff. weird, i know. but either way, i still LOVE massages, and drat that they cost $40 a pop.
so i've been measuring how long it takes me to go through a bar of soap (i use dove), and it's almost exactly two weeks. just an observation.
oh, did i talk about meeting up with orkut girl last thursday? we met on castro at tea era for some roasted barley pearl milk tea (my FAVORITE flavor), and we talked for about an hour. she seems really cool, and i hope to see her again. there were some awkward silences, and i don't know if it was because of lack of chemistry or just the weirdness of the first-meeting situation. we'll see.
my mom is cleaning out the house back in texas. i don't know if they plan to sell the house or something, but i'm worried that she'll find my porn stash (well, i think it only consists of a hustler and a few playboy's) in the garage. hm. i wonder what her reaction would be, probably shock.
personally, i think i'd be cool with my kid having some porn. it's sort of a rite of passage, fueled by fluctuating hormones and a drive to satisfy a kid's curiosity. although, i think it'd be necessary (upon finding out) to talk to the kid to make sure he has a healthy attitude towards it, and i don't know what i'd say.
i think my dad caught me wanking when i was much younger. i was lying in bed frigging away, and my schlong must have been visible. and suddenly, my dad bursts into the room, looks over at me, and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SHIVERING?" i think he knew what was *really* happening, but came up with the idea that he should mistake my masturbation for convulsing. *shrug*
anyways, sigh. maturing from boyhood to manhood. the memories! i remember back then, i could get myself off of simple things like a static picture of a shot of some girl's boobs. nowadays, my needs are much more sophisticated: a certain position, video (as opposed to a magazine), etc. i'm a porn connoisseur, a porn elitist!
tourette's sucks. sometimes i wonder how it would be if i had copralia (the cursing flavor of TS). i mean, it would be really offensive and off-putting to people, and more visible (or rather, audible), but at least the tics wouldn't hurt me physically. i think the worst part about my neck tics is that they kill my shoulders and neck. physical pain is *puke*.
ok, that's enough for today. toodles!