wow, i feel like shit today. yes, it's the tics.
so i'm going on SIX mg of haldol a day after seeing my psych. and i also saw my chironeuro today, and he assigned me this weird-ass pose that i have to do 45 times a day to "stimulate the cerebellum." hm. this is getting hokier and hokier as time passes!
i'm the most fucked up (as in needing medical attention) 28 year old i know. most people who see psychiatrists and chiropractors are much older, as their bodies wear down and require more attention and treatment. fuck, i'm not even 30 yet!
my head feels too heavy to hold up.
i'm going to miss heather graham on _scrubs_. she left the show last night, and i've heard rumors that she might be back to do some more episodes. i like her melancholy look; i think it's her eyes and how they're shaped.
anyways, not much going on today. tomorrow, if my body and brain permit, i'll be starting coding on my blocks at work. sigh. coding's gotten tiresome, and i'm sort of stressing out over it. i've never had to modify someone else's code before, and i'm not looking forward to it. in fact, i think it'll get downright ugly. *RAAR*
you know what's sorely missing from my life these days? inspiration. inspiration to do stuff, to be active, to enjoy life. i just can't seem to find any of that stuff lately. which is why i sleep so much on the weekends. i mean, the reason why i stay in bed is partially because i don't have anything to look forward to, and that's just fucking depressing, isn't it?
ok. i'm bumming myself out. and seeing as i have nothing to offer today, i'm going to cut this short. to you people out there: have a nice day!
silly tuesdays. i hate them. but at least i have _scrubs_! :)
finally got a vital piece of work done today. i feel good. granted, i only started around 3:30 because i had basketball AND a long meeting to go to, but still... *huzzah*
don't know what else to say today.
hm.
my project lead is working from home this week. she seems so relaxed! (she stopped by the office today for a meeting) i wonder if i can get my iMac to get VPN access so i can do that, too. hm. maybe i'll look into that; i'd love to be able to work from home and take naps in the afternoon and such.
ah, the world series game 3 just started a few minutes ago. despite my distaste for the game, i feel like going home to watch it. go red sox! go pedro!
i'm seeing my psych tomorrow morning. i plan to ask to up my dosage of haldol for 5mg, and if that doesn't work, shit, i'll be bummed out. the thing is, i think my body has built up a resistance to the stuff, because last time i tried it, even 2.5mg fucked me up. and today, i'm on 4mg of the medication! hm.
i'm fast losing my memory of what it feels like to be normal. i've been afflicted with this latest tic storm since march. *sigh*
i'm amazed that my parents had me when they were 25. at that age (and even now), i don't think i'm mature enough to raise a kid. there's so much to know about! crazy, huh? like, how do you keep your kid from sticking his hand down the garbage disposal?
yeah, i've been having recurring thoughts about that, i.e. mangling my own hand in the garbage disposal. it's a really disgusting thought. i mean, if you did that, would you even be able to reattach your fingers? wouldn't they all be minced up into tiny bits? *shivers*
i think one of the reasons why i don't cook is because i'm afraid of knives. sharp things freak me out. it's amazing that i was able to get some acupuncture done on me a few years ago. and i've been meaning to get a blood test (no, not because i think i have syphilis, but because i want my cholesterol checked), but the thought of that big fat needle they use makes me go wonkers.
i'm such a wuss, i know. that, and roller coasters and horror moves. all of them scare the dickens out of me.
by the way, for those of you who've seen it, how was _the grudge_?
ok, i have some e-mails i need to write. toodles!
so friday, i was surfing orkut's list of vienna teng fans, and i randomly clicked on a girl's profile. i wrote her a little message, and she IM'ed me back. it turns out that she went to my high school! how fucking randomly cool is that?
anyways, just thought i'd share that with you. i love random encounters.
not so excited about monday night football tonight. broncos vs. the bengals. ho hum. but i still might cut out of work a little early to catch the game. at least it gives me something to do, right?
i actually smoke less on the weekends now. but then again, i realized it's because i wake up so much later, so there's simply less *time* to smoke. i've been having around 7 a day on the weekends, and half a pack during the weekdays. i must find a way to quit sometime, though.
it still amazes me that i was able to drop 40 pounds since last year. although, part of me wonder if my worsening tourette's (tics) is partially due to being malnourished or something due to my crash diet. it bugs me. i mean, i'd rather be fat and ticless than thin and ticcy, you know?
but damn, i looked horrible at 200. my face was all puffy and round! and not to mention my gut! ick. in the shower, i would stand up straight and look down and not be able to see my schlong. now THAT means fat!
basically, my life is one big tourette's experiment these days. i'm trying all these things (new meds, these funky chironeuro exercises) in a (vain, it feels) attempt to reduce my tics. and so far, nothing's working, not even the 4mg of haldol i take. and that frustrates me to no end. it's hard to stay positive during these times; i've been all ticcy since march! *RAAR*
is it a bad sign that the only thing that i have to look forward to in life is sleeping? there's something terribly morbid about that.
speaking of sleep, i've been waking up in the middle of the night less frequently. which bugs me, because i actaully *like* waking up, rolling over to look at the alarm clock, and realizing how much time i have left to sleep. it makes me happier, even if it does technically produce worse sleep quality.
i'm really enjoy this nipply weather, though.
i am excited to go home for thanksgiving now that i have some friends i can meet up with. now, the 4-day holiday seems too short! (although, technically, it's only for 3 days since i fly out early sunday morning.)
i had a bowl of pho last night, like i mentioned in my previous post. it was so fucking good. remember that i've been avoiding beef, but once i walked into pho to chau and smelled the wonderful aromas, i couldn't resist. *smacks his lips*
ok, that's enough for today. random, useless thoughts.
once again, i did practically nothing this weekend. sigh. i must plan better!
friday night, we met up with peter and went to amici's east coast pizzeria on castro. the pizza was pretty good (this was only my second time there), but the crust was a bit burnt and i left feeling very unfulfilled.
saturday, i woke up at my usual 1pm and just hung around the house. watched some college football, part of the world series game 1, and had $7 worth of food at taco bell, which made me feel pretty sick.
sunday, i woke up at 1pm again, and this time, i was determined to leave the house. and besides, my cowboys were losing badly to the packers, so i gave up on them early and went house hunting with alan and ting. we saw one place in sunnyvale and then headed over to the rivermark. they have some nice townhomes there!
after that, we headed over to pho to chau for some noodles, which really hit the spot because the weather was kind of nipply. hehe. and that was about it for my weekend. pretty lame, i know. i don't even know what we're doing for halloween; no one has mentioned any plans, so next weekend might be just as boring. *shrug*
oh, alan and ting were supposed to go do muddy buddy (this race thingie in san jose), but because of the rain saturday night, they postponed it. of course, this didn't really make a difference for me because i wasn't about to get up at the ripe early time of 7am and go cheer for them. ha!
ok, i'll write more later.
i think i'm particularly vulnerable to negativity; if some people around me are negative, then it rubs off, and i myself become negative about things. hm. it's not a good environment, is it?
the good news, though: it's fucking friday! woo-hoo!
i'm burping up some stuff, and it tastes like bbq potato chips. the thing is, though, i haven't consumed any of that stuff, so i wonder what in my lunch is giving me that bbq flavor. hm.
friday mornings don't give me good sleep. it's because that's when the HOA gardeners come around our place, and their lawnmowers and leafblowing machines just cause a whole lot of ruckus. i keep my windows open 24/7 (because i like it cold), so i can totally hear the noise that they're producing. sucks.
so _the grudge_ is getting bad reviews. that's a shame, because i was rooting for this whole japanese horror-crossover thing to happen. not that i'll watch the movie, though; i'm a scaredy-cat when it comes to horror flicks. _the ring_ was already hella scary (although _the shining_ is my all-time scariest film), and i don't need any more ghosts of dead children haunting my head.
i wish i had more guts.
i wonder whether pearl milk tea is here to stay. it's been in the US for a few years now, and i must way, i think it's getting pretty saturated in certain spots in the bay area. can these places sustain themselves?
my memory is fading. every so often, i'll try to remember something, and i'll just come up empty. and i'll note to myself that only just a few years ago, i used to be so snappy when it came to retrieving tidbits of random information from my brain. like last night, it took me several minutes to remember the word "dementor," i.e. the scary creatures from _harry potter 3_. what gives? am i getting senile?
i'm wondering who's going to be around in dallas when i go back for thanksgiving. i think the only friend my age who i met the last time i went back was amy. this time, i'll be glad to see her (if she makes it back to dallas), but i want to catch up with some other old friends, too. hm. otherwise, it's just me and my family, which is nice, but also sort of boring.
but i guess the biggest reason to go back is to see my mom. she's still afflicted by all these symptoms of depression, insomnia, empty nest syndrome, etc. poor mom. :(
man, i want to get out of here. but it's not even 4pm yet. weekends are precious, precious things. especially when work has been sucking out my soul lately. :/
anyways, that's it for today. take care folks, and have a great weekend!
so when does daylight savings kick in? this weekend? somebody let me know!
i'm feeling a bit chipper today. not much, mind you, but just enough to notice it. i guess i'll take the good days with the bad. *sigh*
so last night, after dinner, alan and i went to get some balls (pearl milk tea). the moment he sat in my car, he made a grimace and said that my car smelled like "hair grease." !! then he proceeded to instruct me to try watching my hair every day. hm.
i dunno. i have such short (and non-greasy) hair that i find it a nuisance to wash it *every* day. is that gross? i think it's fine, but someone let me know if that's a social no-no.
so how about them red sox? they're going to the world series! i was so happy for them last night, after coming back from an insurmountable 0-3 hold in the ALCS. way to go boston! although, i just read this afternoon that a woman died in the celebration when the police confronted the crowd in beantown. poor woman. :(
anyways... tomorrow is friday, and i'm pretty happy about that. it means that i can finally sleep in and not have to deal with my alarm clock. you see, i snooze about 7 times in the morning, and that's bad for two reasons: 1) i don't get into work earlier, and 2) i'm not actually getting any sleep during my snooze sessions. so it's basically a waste of time for me simply because i can't drag my lazy ass out of bed.
i'm sort of excited about going back to dallas for thanksgiving. the last time i was there was about 4 years ago, and i came to the realization that i had forgotten how to navigate the place! funny how i had lived there for 10 years, and wound up not knowing how to get to simple places like my best friend's house. hmm.
but anyways, i'm excited to see my family and have us all (four of us) back together again. i didn't used to appreciated my family, but now that my parents are getting older and my brother's finally in college, i sort of realize how important family is. plus, my mom's still not doing very well, and i worry about her a lot. i hope that my being there for her makes her feel better.
i'm stuffed. i had a la bamba burrito for lunch, and as i predicted, a burrito is just way too big of a lunch for me to handle. i didn't even finish mine, and once i got back to the office, i was stricken with a massive case of food coma.
i think i just might skip dinner tonight.
so every third thursday at my company, we have an ice cream social. this time, i got cookie dough and green tea flavors. and i discovered that green tea contaminated with other flavors is downright disgusting. !!
ok. i'm off to do some clockwatching. toodles!
so i'm back at work today. i still feel like shit, but i'm trying my best.
i'm just not myself these days. where is the silly crazy wacky dardy of old? *rummages around, looking for him* sigh. nowhere to be seen.
but yeah, yesterday was a bad time for me. i was sitting in my cube, crading my head in my arms, unable to think straight. i guess i had a panic attack or something. so i had to go home. it was amazing, though, because the moment i walked down the staircase towards the exit, i felt better. i guess being here at work stresses me out, huh?
but way to go red sox! they're the first MLB team to force a game seven after being down 0-3. i just hope they have enough gas tonight to pull the series off. GO RED SOX! *cheer* *huzzah*
it's sort of weird, though, because i normally HATE baseball. but something about the playoffs and these two storied teams make it interesting to watch. i guess i can get wrapped up in the drama of it all even if i wasn't previous interested.
when i take cigarette breaks at work, i usually go downstairs into the parking lot and sit on these steps. and i spit my saliva onto this certain spot, so much so that it's turned into one huge loogie area. and i also ash my cigarette (sometimes) in the spit, so it forms a dark crust.
well, anyways, the only reason why i'm bringing this nasty stuff up is because the rain has washed most of it away! so i guess i'm back to square one. hehe. it took me a few months to get the spot all nice and crusty, and now i can start over again.
i forgot to put on my watch today. my right wrist feel horribly naked, and i don't like the fact that i can't tell time. true, there's a clock in my car and a clock on my computer screen, but the times when i'm driving or working in my cube, i'm clueless as to what time it is! i don't like that feeling.
i get frustrated when i write e-mails to people and they don't write back. *RAAR*
i need a haircut. usually after i get it cut at supercuts in palo alto (i've been doing there for 12 years!), i stop by bueno bueno (because it's in the neighborhood) and get a garlic-laden burrito. i wonder if today's the day to do it; i'm not particularly hungry, and those burritos are fucking HUGE!
then again, i haven't been keeping my hair in good shape. in the mornings, i just get out of bed, afro and all, put on my clothes, take my medication, pee, adn leave. i don't really care what i look like (which illicits some sarcastic responses from my roommates), so i just wind up looking like a hair-slob.
so last week, my tics got a bit better. this week, they're HORRIBLE. sigh.
can any of you guys out there perform autofellatio? how does it feel? i'd wager that it wouldn't feel too good because 1) you're upside down and 2) you anticipate the feeling, like it is when you try to tickle yourself.
ok, back to work.
hey folks. i know i've been a little lax in my postings, but i'm not doing very well, mentally speaking. this afternoon, i had a little nervous breakdown at work and had to go home. funny thing is, once i got home (i took some work with me home), i was able to do my work in peace and without freaking out. weird, huh? i guess the office just isn't a good place for me. (and that poses a problem :)
anyways, just wanted to give you a heads up on my situation. don't worry, i'm still alive! just not sane, i guess. :/
yesterday i had 21 pieces of sushi (i ordered 22, but gave one to alan as i was about to burst) at miyake. ah, miyake, the stanford establishment. i've been meaning to get a meal from there, so when alan invited me, i immediately jumped on the offer. yes, i know their sushi isn't great quality, but it's the only sushi place i know where you can fill up completely and not spend an arm and a leg.
so what will tomorrow bring? i wonder about that. during my little breakdown, i just couldn't think about work, and i was ticcing constantly. which was uncomfortable, to say the least. anyways, i just hope i can rest up and be ready for work tomorrow; i have a shitload of stuff to do!
at least there's _scrubs_ tonight. i look forward to watching it.
i got this google phrase today:
"scab on testicles"
dude, why would anyone be interested in that? and does this person mean the testicles, or the scrotum? either way, it's a gross thought, like what happened to ben stiller's character on _there's something about mary_, you know, the zipper accident. *shudders* them's sensitive parts there!!
it's raining here. last night, the wind was howling, and my blinds kept clattering back and forth. it made for unrestful sleep, to say the least. i know, i should have closed my window but 1) yes, i am *that* lazy, and 2) it would have my room hotter, and you know how i like cold sleep.
it hate rain.
anyways, i had best go get some rest. i finished the work i had planned to do today in about half an hour after i got home. toodles!
wow, just when you think a weekend can't be any more boring, it does.
friday night, i met up with benboy and had noodles at ryowa ramen. and that was IT, as far as social interaction went for the entire weekend.
saturday involved going to officemax and buying a sheet of posterboard to make my red and white checkered thingie for my eye exercises. i resolved to try mcd's chicken selects again, and my conclusion was the same: they weren't that good. i spent the rest of the day watching random sports (NLCS, ALCS, stanford vs. washington state) while lying down.
sunday was the same, as far as what i did. i just watched a lot of football, plus the ALCS all the way until past 10pm. i was really happy when the red sox won, but i can't help but feel bad for the city of boston because there's no way they'll pull off winning the series after being down 0-3.
and that was it! a weekend without seeing anyone, although i did call up my mom and my friend emi to chat. sigh. next weekend, i hope, will be more eventful.
uh oh. i just remembered that i might have had a dream about work. that's bad news.
when i first started working back in 1997, i would take my work with me wherever i was. i would thinking about it while driving, showering, eating, everywhere! it was only after a few years of it tormenting me that i was finally able to compartmentalize my job into only the working hours; once i left the office, it was put inside its little box and not disturbed.
but now, it seems like that skill has slowly eroded, and work's invading my dreams. *RAAR*
anyways, i saw my chiro neuro today, and he assigned me this really annoying "homework." i basically have to find a piece of posterboard, color it alternating red and white stripes, and pass it by my eyes, going from left to right, and concentrate on each of the red stripes. this causes a zigzagging pattern in my eyes, which supposed stimulates my brain a certain way. i'm just feel lazy, though, in appropriating the posterboard and magic markers. who wants to do craft work? yeesh.
why are markers called "magic" anyway? *ponder*
i'm sort of excited to go back to dallas for thanksgiving. being away from my family has definitely made me appreciate them more. the lone problem in this trip back home is: when/how am i going to sneak in my cigarette breaks? should i just tell them that smoking helps my tics? or does that sounds like a terrible excuse to inhale cancer sticks?
so far, no plans for this weekend. i'm hoping it doesn't turn out superboring. there's a triple birthday dinner/clubbing event going on in the city saturday night, but i am hesitant to go because i'd have to drive myself up. i HATE looking for parking in north beach, too. *grrr*
so ebert gave _team america_ one measly star. i agree with him. i mean, one of the supposed funniest scenes involved two naked puppet having sex. i mean, yeah, it was sort of amusing to see the puppets do the piledriver position and perform oral sex in the 69, but still, is it *funny*? i think not. and they didn't even simulate the male puppet blowing his wad!
*yawn*
do animals enjoy sex? i mean, do they do it for recreational purposes? i wonder. i think i heard or read somewhere that some gorillas perform oral sex on each other. that seems to be a sign of sex for fun, doesn't it? hmm.
and in _shrek 2_, the donkey and his dragon mate have babies. (or am i dreaming about this?) so how did they have sex? the dragon is like 10 times the size of the donkey! he could probably fit his whole body inside her vagina. so i can't imagine sex feeling that good to the dragon, much less feeling *anything*.
ok. it's time to go. i think i've spent too much time about animals having sex.
so basketball was a bust today. i had a guy shadowing me the whole time, and i just can't do anything when i'm up against a man-like defense. i scored ONE measly point. ONE! and i shot up an immense number of airballs and bricks.
so yesterday was ting's birthday dinner at hunan homes. i LOVE peking duck! the skin and the fat and the duck flavor... it's wonderful. i ordered rice cake, too, and that was good, too... ah, the homemade flavor!
i'm excited today because i got an appointment for a massage at my usual chinese acupuncture place. my aching neck and shoulders have been itching to be relieved, and today they will be. *huzzah* and after that, i'm planning on heading to king of krung siam and ordering a pad kee mow to go. spicy noodles, here i come!
ok, i've used enough exclamation points for this blog post. i'm actually not as spunky as i sound. my tics are still bothering me, although lately, they've been backing off just a smidge. but during last night's birthday dinner, i was ticcing up a STORM. it was really bothersome.
meals are particularly hard for me because i have to sit still and, well, *eat*. i can't have my arm over my head (which supresses tics), so i just go crazy. sigh.
poor red sox. they're down 0-2 to the yankees, and i really want boston to win. down with the evil empire! it'll be tough, though, because their two aces (schilling and martinez) have already gone and lost their games. here's hoping that the next three games (in boston) will provide a good home field advantage.
i'm still feeling bummed out these days. this morning, i started to panic because i knew i had to get up but didn't want to. it's hard to get out of bed when you know that what awaits you is... work. yup. work.
it's sort of depressing when the only thing you have to look forward to in life is sleep, huh? i sort of equate sleep with death, so i wonder what that says about my current mental state.
ok. i'm suddenly feeling a bit hungry after skipping lunch. that's a good sign. when i'm truly depressed, i'm never hungry no matter how many meals i skip. but now, i'm really looking forward to that pad kee mow. can't wait.
but still... bummage continues. i need some brightness in my life.
so last night, jay had two free passes to a sneak preview of _team america_. for those of you who don't know, this is a movie about a team of officers who fight terrorists. the catch is, the entire movie is done using puppets!
it was... ASS HORRIBLE.
first, jay fell asleep, and i just kept looking at my watch. true, the movie was created by the dudes who did _south park_, but it just wasn't funny. it was crass, there was a lot of swearing, and there was even an explicit sex scene involving two naked puppets. but, it was just LAME.
strangely enough, the audience was laughing loudly, while jay snoozed and i rolled my eyes. maybe i just don't like puppets? they actually sort of freak me out, with their spooky dead look.
anyways, if anything, i was a diversion from my normal workdays, which usually involve me going home and lying on the futon watching tv. but still, if only the movie had been worth something... you know?
today is ting's birthday. happy birthday ting!
it looks like i might be fending for myself this weekend again. so who wants to hang out?
it's getting light earlier and earlier. with daylight savings kicking in, the sun will start to rise at like 5am or something, it seems. how annoying. thanks goodness i'm not sensitive to light; back when i was on 2.5mg of haldol (the first time, when it was an effective medication), i would wake up at the first sign of light, so i would get really shitty sleep.
i've been terribly apathetic in terms of politics, but i'm trying to get better. this resulted in me trying to register to vote at the mountain view post office after lunch today. but i was foiled! they didn't have any registration forms left! sigh. where else can i go?
ok, it's time to wrap my brain around some work. but first, a cigarette break!
have you ever strained yourself so hard trying to take a dump that you wind up throwing up? hehe.
so i got the schedule for the next 3 months, and it looks like i'll be hella busy. sigh. it's time to buckle down and do some serious work!
i absolutely dread hearing my alarm go off in the mornings. the problem is, i have this automatic reflex whereby i press the snooze button once it happens. and i'm usually just barely conscious when this happens, so i wind up snoozing like 6 or 7 times. which means i get up much later than i'm supposed to.
i guess i could try putting the alarm further away, but that just means i'd crawl out of bed, press snoozed, and crawl back and fall asleep again.
i'm bummed about my life again. i realized it last night when i took my final cigarette of the day, and i just thought, "damn, i really have nothing interesting going on in my life right now." and i sulked and went up to bed.
ho hum.
you know what i've been missing lately? the experience of taking off someone else's clothes. there's something exciting about that, like it's an intimate act of disrobing someone, in anticipation of some good old-fashioned sex after the clothes are removed. especially that one-handed unsnapping of a bra. shiver me timbers! breasts... UNLEASHED!
so... i'm still really bummed out that i won't be getting a nice 9-day vacation this winter break. i'll most likely be working the monday-wednesday in between christmas and new year's. sigh.
so when you guys play sports for fun, do you get competitive? like, does losing bother you? for me, i usually don't give a shit if i win or lose. of course winning feels good, but i'm more concerned if i got a good workout or not. i wonder if should change my attitude, though, and play *harder*. play to win, you know.
like today, my team lost all four games in basketball, and i could sense some frustration in some of my teammates. i was sort of immune to the feeling, though, given my happy-go-lucky sports attitude. but then again, i think i was highly responsible for the losing streak, since i can't play defense worth a shit in basketball.
and as usual, i skipped lunch today. it's 5pm, and i'm not feeling the slightest bit hungry. i wonder what's wrong with my system.
ok, off to do some register specs. toodles!
ah, monday monday.
i feel like getting drunk. i haven't done that yet this year, and 2004 is almost over! alas, i don't like drinking by myself (too much of a stigma to that), so i need some people to imbibe with.
at least monday's almost over with. that's a blessing, for sure.
i had a mediocre pastrami sandwich today. yes, i know it's beef; i've been slacking off on my "no beef" ban of late; this past weekend, i had beef short ribs (kal bi courtesy of alan), and steak (courtesy of paul). sigh. maybe i *will* die of BSE. *knocks on wood*
but back to the pastrami sandwich. i like my pastrami fatty. and greasy. this one was dry and just plain salty, and i didn't like it very much. sigh. where can i get good pastrami out west? or is togo's my best bet? any deli's i should try out?
i sort of want to throw a party at our place. but the thing is, like alan said, planning and preparing (and cleaning up) is a bitch, and he's not really into the idea, so i guess 2004 might go by without a single shindig at our place. that's a drought, especially considering we had TWO parties here last year.
motherfucker! our work has a shutdown during the days between christmas and new year's. i just got an e-mail from a manager requesting that we work those days. that fucking SUCKS. i was looking forward to having a nice rest during the holidays, and now i have to WORK??!! sheeeiiiit.
oh well. i have nothing to do those days anyway, i guess. alan and ting are going to thailand, so i'll have no one to play with back at home. but even so, a day spent lounging around doing nothing beats any day in the office, that's for sure.
i'm kind of bummed now about that whole holiday thing. sigh. oh well. nothing i can do about it.
woah. i just squeezed my nose really hard, and some blood came out. eww.
do they still make biore pore perfect strips? those are fun! nothing like clearing your face of those nasty blackheads. the thing is, i usually left them on too long, so they were almost impossible to peel off cleanly. i just liked the feeling of them on my nose!
ok, this is very uninspired blogwriting. i think i should just cut my losses and end it right here. toodles!
a semi-fun semi-relaxiing weekend.
friday night, alan made two kinds of ribs, and peter came over to eat with us. then we grabbed pearl milk tea at verde and chatted a bit.
saturday, i woke up to see stanford lose to notre dame (sports disappointment #1). i didn't get to finish the game, though, because i had to meet up with some taiko alum peeps at shoreline theater to see _garden state_. i liked the movie, but i liked the soundtrack (which include zero7's "in the waiting line" and thievery corporation's "lebanese blonde") better. and best of all, i liked natalie portman.
in the previews, they showed an upcoming film where natalie plays a stripper! i was shocked, but i'd definitely want to see her with more skin showing. :)
i came back from the movie, and paul called me up and invited me over for some steak (beef!) and vegetable kabobs. during dinner, we watched this horrible straight-to-video movie called "lost journey" or something. it was about a haunted boat, and boy, was it BAD. i hung out a bit and then went home to sleep.
sunday, i woke up to see my cowboys lose to the giants (sports disappointment #2), so i was bummed out. after the game, i met up with ehg2 at the chinese plaza in milpitas. we talked for about two hours, and it was pleasant. in the end, i had to go home to watch _nfl primetime_, and i took a short nap during the broadcast and wound up staying in bed until about 7pm.
i grabbed a burrito at bueno bueno (yum, garlic spread on the tortilla!), and just watched the end of the sunday night football game before heading up.
all in all, a good weekend. a good balance between social activities and resting. it's just a fucking shame, though, that a weekend is only two days long.
so it's friday (a very good thing), but i think my throat is a little sore. i better not be coming down with something!
not many weekend plans have been made, aside from watching _garden state_ tomorrow and meeting up with ehg2 on sunday afternoon. there will, however, be some important football games to watch: stanford and notre dame, and my cowboys vs. the giants. go go cardinal! go go cowboys!
yesterday i was very hungry. i skipped lunch as usual on basketball thursdays, and i didn't wind up eating until around 9pm. by then, i think my stomach was cramping up. we ended up going to chili's, and i had their chicken fried steak, which was always filling.
man, i have a shitload of work to do at the office.
do you guys out there feel like the older you get, the dumber you become? i've been suffering through that lately, and i don't know if it's because of true brain atrophy, or just laziness in thinking. i guess looking at geniuses like stephen hawking and such, it is definitely possible to retain your brilliance. but for me, i just feel like i'm growing stupid. sigh.
i want to go home. badly. i think it's fortunate it turned out that a workweek is only 5 days long. because if i had to work for more consecutive days, i think i'd go crazy. and for those of you who have to work on weekends as well, i am very, very sorry about that.
here's a random blip of memory that i just experienced: did you guys ever cheat at PC games? you know, you take a saved game file, and load it up on a hex editor like norton utilities, and muck with the contents? and suddenly, you'd have like -1 rounds of ammunition or something? heh. i think i used to do that with mechwarrior or something. ah, the memories.
my jaw still hurts. after i yawn, when i close my mouth, i hear this loud popping sounds. man, hope i'm not wearing down the joint or something.
every day or so, i get a google hit from a phrase that includes my name. it makes me wonder... who's stalking me? who got the brilliant idea of googling my name? do i know these people?
if i could do it over again, i definitely should have used a pseudonym. right now, this blog is just too easy to trace back to me. grrr.
sorry folks, i don't have much to say today. i'm feeling a bit down as of late, you know, it's the whole "my life is sort of devoid of meaning" funk i've been in.
not much to talk about today. except that i got hit in the face with the basketball today, and it knocked my jaw all out of whack. now, it hurts to open or close my mouth. fucker!
i'm current trying to figure out whether or not i should go home (dallas) or not during thanksgiving. it would be a rare time when my entire nuclear family would be together (which is nice), but i don't know if i want to spend two out of the four days travelling. sigh. if only home were closer, and i didn't have to fly halfway around the country.
are people supposed to wash their bellybuttons? especially if they have an innie? mine happens to hurt if i press on it too hard. does that happen to anybody else?
i've got a quandary when it comes to sleep. i actually like waking up often in the middle of the night so i can roll over and see what time it is. that way, i can tell myself something like, "oooh, i have SIX more hours of sleep!" but the thing is, if i wake up too much, that means i'm not getting good sleep. drat!
there are three box sets of dvd's that i want. one if the _sex and the city_ season 6 (part 1) set. the next is the _star wars_ trilogy, and the third is the first season of _the OC_. hm. i mean, i *want* them, but i wouldn't necessarily be a good person and actually *watch* them. which makes them a waste, right? right. i'll save my money for now.
i'm actually being pretty good with my amazon whore tendencies. last year, i made *38* purchases from the website. this year? just one. and i've only bought 3 cd's this entire 2004 so far! what were they? the new norah jones, the new thievery corporation, and the new future sound of london. yup, i'm on a savings kick! just keep me away from the mall. :)
yup, i haven't been to any mall in a few months. i try to steer clear of banana republic and stores like that, because i know i'll inevitably be compelled to buy something. but the thing is, the last time i was there (which was a WHILE), i bought three shirts, and i have yet to wear two of them! sigh. what a waste of money.
simplify, simplify! that is my motto nowadays.
i'm kind of disturbed because i'm not hungry on basketball days (which is when i skip lunch). usually, my stomach starts to grumble around 3pm on those days, but now, it's almost 5pm, and i still don't feel like eating anything. hm.
ok, i just got framemaker installed on my computer. time to do some work!
google phrase of the day:
"getting your nuts in a twat"
hm. why would a man want to do this? shove his testicles up a vagina? who gets pleasure from that? certainly not the guy, because the pressure on his balls might cause him to faint. ha!
personally speaking, my scrotum is kind of sensitive. it sort of tickles when someone strokes it.
i have seen some videos of "the dick dog," whereby a man pulls his balls out so far that a girl can fit the penis as well as the testicles in her mouth. but i can't see how this would be pleasurable. it's more of a gimmick for guys with low-hangers, in my opinion.
this week is going by slowly. but luckily, it seems to accelerate once it gets past wednesday, which is only a few hours from now. yippee!
just had my 5th cigarette of the day. i'm averaging about half a pack a day (that's 10 for those of you who don't know), and i'm holding steady at that. every once in a while, i get this strike of fear in my head, when i realize that if i keep smoking like this, i'll die sooner than i should. hm. i still resolve to quit one of these days, but as long as i have this extreme tourette's, i'll need the nicotine to stay sane.
i've got a zit on my ear. it's very annoying. and my skin is breaking out in dry patches everywhere! i've got patches under my arms, on my face, and even on my left earlobe! what the fuck?
btw, i will most like carry a scar for life on my left earlobe. it's where my mom SNIPPED OFF A PIECE OF MY EAR when i was a kid. yup. she was giving me a haircut, and i guess she just went too close to my ear and cut a piece off. i remember screaming, then crying, as my mom completely FREAKED OUT and put me to sleep after dabbing this asian ointment on my ear to make it scab up. i had a scab for months.
anyways, i'm feeling a little chipper today. that's not to say that my tics aren't horrendous still, but i got complimented by my project lead today on doing a good job in understanding this new block that i'm supposed to implement. so i feel good about myself. *huzzah*
it's amazing what a good compliment can do for your spirits. :)
sleep has been amazing lately. it's been chilly at night, so i've upped my layers of blankets to three. i LOVE snuggling!
now, if only i had a person to snuggle with. *sigh*
nothing much going on today. (as usual)
so yesterday, i went to have dinner with diana and two of her friends at pasta pomodoro. yummy pasta! the other guy and i were pretty quiet during dinner, letting the two girls go at it with their conversation. then i went home and caught the end of the chiefs/ravens game.
i'm just ass tired these days. when i finally get out of bed in the morning, the first (and only) thing i want to do is go back to sleep. and i immediately start ticcing, which signals another whole day of twitching and stuff. sigh.
so jamal lewis (the running back of the baltimore ravens) is going to be sentenced to go to jail for 4-6 months for brokering a cocaine deal. and the thing is, he's going to be in jail *after* the football season. dude, how come he gets such preferential treatment? i mean, if you're going to go to jail, don't they send you immediately? sheesh.
do cameltoes chafe if the girl walks around a lot? do the labia and clitoris get all swollen and sensitive? eeks!
so i scheduled a meeting with ehg2 this sunday. i hope she can make it. we've traded about 20 or so e-mails, which has been fun, but now i think it's time to meet up and see if there's any real chemistry between us. i'm not really nervous, but just sort of wary and weary at the same time; i'm tired of dating, and i haven't even done that much!
i was scratching this bump on my right upper eyelid, and this white deposit came out. eww. is there such thing as a whitehead (as opposed to a blackhead)? anyways, i smelled it, and it didn't have any particular odor. hm. strange thing to have growing on your eyelid, huh?
so it's sexy when a girl doesn't wear any underwear. what about guys? personally, i'm sort of reluctant to go commando because i'm afraid my schlong will be eaten up by the teeth in my jeans' zipper. you know, that scene from _there's something about mary_. it's horrifying for a guy to have that happen to him.
my brother has started up his freshman year at UCLA. i wonder how he's doing. i would call him, but i don't know if we'd have anything to talk about. sigh. i hate the fact that i have a younger brother, and that we're so distant because we never really grew up with each other. he's 10 years younger, fyi.
yes, i know i smoke, and i know that it's going to wreck my health, but one of my greatest health fears is having to pass a kidney stone. ouch! one of my ex-coworkers had to do it, and he said it was hell. can you imagine that? having to pee out a rock? and how much pain that would be? shit... i better do some web research and find out how to prevent it from happening.
speaking of rock-like deposits, i just scraped off a piece of tartar off my teeth with my fingernails. it's crunchy! i wonder... if i ate it, would it turn into a kidney stone-like substance? hm.
i wonder how a guy first came to discover giving a girl head. i just popped a boner thinking about it. such a cool act! the best is when she's having her orally-driven orgasm, and you grab her thighs hard while she bucks around a bit. intense!
i've been having some pretty cool dreams lately. not that i can remember any of them, but i do recall waking up, and just before the dream memories fade away into nothingness, thinking, "hey, that was neat!"
so after tonight, i will have had three straight meals involving noodles. last night was pho, lunch day was jun pad poo (pad thai noodles with crab, chili and garlic), and for dinner, i'm headed to pasta pomodoro at santana row. i guess i'm on a noodle kick!
i tend to get excited when i can potentially meet a girl who's name is 5 letters long. call me extremely superficial, but i like 5-letter names! like a few months ago, i met a "wendy," and i thought that was sooo cool. and just the other day, eharmony matched me up with a girl named "nikki." so cute! nikki! (she hasn't written back yet.)
the way i see it, if my wife has a 5-letter name, then we'll have potentially less to argue about over giving our kids 5-letter names. and since i've picked out "aidan" and "kaeli" for my offspring, i've become quite attached to those names.
damn, this entry is taking a long time to write. i keep ticcing up a storm and putting my head on my desk to calm myself down. sigh.
sometimes i wonder how good my life would be if i didn't have tourette's. and then, i get very bitter. i mean, how come i was dealt this nasty disorder? how come i wound up being genetically defective? i mean, my brother has no symptoms, so what the hell happened to me? *RAAR*
i mean, i'd just like to be normal. normal dardy. is that too much to ask for?
don't take your mental health for granted! that's a lesson i have to reiterate.
um, yeah. i guess i'm a little mad at myself.
by the way, is semen considered a culinary delicacy anywhere in the world?
ok, off for a cigarette break. toodles!
so, if you were me, then you'd probably implode (or explode?) of boredom this past weekend.
friday, we got some indian buffet at sneha and rented (even though we have netflix) _mean girls_, which was so-so. i don't believe the size of lindsay lohan's breasts. how old is she? are you SURE she didn't get implants? they're HUGE!
saturday, i did absolutely nothing. as in, i woke up at 1, took a nap from 3 til 7, returned the video and got some thai (pad kee mao) takeout, ate it (it was spicy good!), watched some tv, and went to sleep.
and sunday, the only thing of interest i did was have dinner with mallory up in millbrae. i had pho (beef!) for the first time in almost a year, as i have been avoiding it for fear of contracting BSE. damn, pho is good shit.
mallory was pushing me to do something drastic with my now-humdrum life, and one of her ideas was for me to move to china. uh... yeah, right. :)
anyways, not much to report as far as the weekend goes. and the alarming thing is, with a weekend this boring, my tics *should* have gotten better, but they haven't. and i've developed this new teeth-grinding tic, which is really annoying. sigh.
well TGIF. motherfucker. it's finally friday, and i'm looking forward to sleeping in once again, if only for two days.
so last night, i went up with adam and rae to see a little festival of short films. they were overall sort of interesting, although the first one was rather incrutable. (it involved three scantily clad people in slow motion writhing in what seemed to be a form of epilepsy.) the second one, _oedipus_, was the one that i wanted to see, and i enjoyed it a lot. vegetables galore!
the crowd there was very artsy and trendy. lots of people wore black, and there were some nicely gelled hairdos. i, for one, though, forgot to spike up my hair, so my chinese afro must have given away that i was neither artsy nor gay. ah, the san francisco art scene.
so, i saw my chironeuro today, and he gave me some different exercises to do that involve looking at various things over and over again. and weirdest one has me sitting in a chair, looking at my left thumb, and spinning myself counterclockwise a few seconds at a time. hokey!
this has bee a pretty bad week for me, tic-wise. the left-crunching neck tic has left my shoulder/neck region very sore. it's painful to snap your neck like that!
so far, though, these "silly" exercises are changing my brain slowly. my pain response to his pinwheels on my face has equalized, and so has the different of blood pressure in my left and right arms. i don't know what this all means, though, because i still tic like a mofo.
so this week, i have two social outings planned. the first one is dinner with mallory, which means i'm going to be most likely driving up to millbrae to meet her. and the second one is pearl milk tea with diana on sunday afternoon, which is ok because i don't have any cowboys football to keep up with. (they have a bye week.)
has anyone seen _garden state_? i want to see it, but i don't know if it's still playing in theaters. natalie portman. *smacks his lips* scrumptious!
yes, christine (why don't you e-mail me sometime?), i do know that i don't blog as incessantly as i used to. part of it's not having anything to say. gone are the numerous random/brainfartish thoughts that i used to frequently have. and i'm just not as spunky a writer as i used to be; i blame it on my tourette's flareup.
in fact, i blame tourette's for most of the problems i've been having: my inability to do good work, my antisocial behavior, my daily overdoses of sleep. it's a convenient excuse, but sometimes i wonder if i'm just letting myself be lazy by having a scapegoat to blame it on.
anyways, it's best that i get to work now.