not much going on today, except for this BOMB that was dropped on me at work today. it turns out that they forgot to tell me a very crucial (and hard to implement) feature that i have to put into my block, and i just freaked out. *RAAR*
anyways, whatever. that's the emotion that i'm feeling right now. whatever.
is it bad to hope for negative things to happen to your friends just so you are somehow positively affected? i think so.
i had lunch with benboy today at clarita's, a filipino place in sunnyvale. he told me straight up, "you look awful!" damn. partially, it was my nasty hair, which i didn't gel up, and mostly i think it was the rashes i've had on my face. damn this fucking eczema! i really need to see a dermatologist and get some cortisone shots or something. i look like i've been punched!
afterwards, ben showed me his cool orange horns on his car. and he pressed the horn and freaked me out. they're fucking LOUD! two kids who biked by said that it scared the shit out of them. hehe. i worry for ben, though. i worry that he'll use the horn and freak some driver out and cause an accident. *knocks on wood*
yesterday, i had dinner with alan and peter. a rare guy's night out. i feel really shitty about it, though, because i was all ticcy and stuff, and didn't contribute much fo the conversation. mostly it revolved around alan and his potential house. but i just sat there, ticcing left and right, and suffering through the aftermath of the pain and the anxiety over the next impending tic. fucking bites.
sigh.
so has anyone seen _spiderman 2_? is it good?
i had this weird dream last night about alex. basically, i ran into her family's motorbike (yes, her whole family fit into the small vehicle) with my car, and the next thing i knew, i was talking to her and stroking her feet. very very odd. but nice in some really bizarre way.
anyways, this week has been really long so far. it's only fucking tuesday?!
i'm feeling aimless about this whole job thing. i wish i knew what i was meant to do.... you know, networking or video. video or networking. that would make things easier on me. right now, i like both companies, and it's just been really tough on my decision making skills. *RAAR*
the bottom line is, i am feeling lazy, and i just don't want to work. hopefully that changes soon, and i get my ambition back. just to let you know, i was *really* ambitious when i first started out after college. i worked my ass off, established myself, etc. but now? i just like to coast. and that's not good for my career. i need to change that.
and i don't like disappointing people. sigh. i don't know how i came to be so easily guilt-tripped. when did i grow a conscience? sheesh.
i just want to be comfortable. and happy.
i'm wondering if i'll be so bored tonight that i'll wind up watching _outback jack_ again. now that the hottest girl (laura) is gone, there's not much reason to watch the show.
yeah, that worries me. lately, i've become a couch potato. i mean, it might be understandable during the weekdays, when i just come home and want to veg out, but even on weekends, i just have no motivation to do anything except lounge on the futon with the tv on. and that is a terrible existence!
hm. gotta change that. must... get... out... more.
i think i'm too emotional about things. that is, i can't say, "well, business is just business, so no hard feelings" or stuff like that.
and that makes leaving a company like breaking up with a girlfriend. sigh.
the first time i left my company, i got pissed off and left fuming. and i made it VERY public that i was looking for another job. in the end, the director called me into his cube and admonished me for being so unprofessional, and he was like, "if you're with us, you're with us. if you're not, then just leave." !!
the second time i left my company, i had no choice; i was laid off. it was like a girl just breaking up with me all of a sudden. and i was pretty stunned; i remember the first thing i did was to call my mom by the loading docks and whimpers, "mom, they LAID ME OFF!" hehe.
and now, it's the most painful planned separation yet. because this time, i'm doing the breaking up. i'm a wuss, so breakups have always been really tough for me to initiate. it's sort of like, part of me wants to stay just because i don't want to go through the confrontation of saying, "i don't want you anymore." sigh.
anyways... some of my friends have told me, "look, it's just business. you gotta look out for yourself." but i can't do that. i'm too afraid of upsetting other people, so that's why i've been going through so much anxiety as of late.
*RAAR*
ah, yet another monday is almost gone by.
i just a smoke with a coworker. the first time! my best friend here at the company apparently smokes when he travels to china, but doesn't light up here. but! he just came into my cube and asked if i wanted to have a cigarette with him.
i miss having smoking buddies. none of my friends smoke, so it's usually me stealing away for a puff or two and then furtively coming back into the scene.
thing were different, however, when i was going out with k2. if you don't know the story of how we met and started going out... our first meeting in person involved me teaching her how to smoke, hehe. so i was the reason she started (for which i feel a little guilty), but smoking together was sort of our "thing."
even after we broke up and she started going out with her current husband, the last time i saw her, she asked if i wanted to share a cigarette moment with her. when she asked me, it felt like old times again, except, of course, that we weren't together anymore. it felt surreal.
but anyways, the point of my ramblings is, i miss having someone to smoke with. and it felt good to finally share a puffing moment with another live body.
i had anxiety dreams last night over the job situation. i kept on flip-flopping between leaving and staying all throughout the night. which tells me, there is no ideal situation right now... and what that tells me further is that i just don't want to work anymore. ha!
but things are almost resolved. i'll let you guys know when they do get finalized.
friday night? i stayed home and watched a beastie boys concert on mtv. it was really good! makes me want to see them live.
saturday, i woke up, had lunch, and then took not one but TWO naps before heading out to mike and paul's place for some prime rib. yes, it was beef, but man, the end cut was damn tasty. the people seemed really into this puzzle fighter turbo game, and i discovered what magic shell was.
sunday, i woke up and had a big bowl of cereal. i went to look at houses with alan... he's considering buying this nice swanky townhouse in mountain view near the bailey park safeway, and the whole experience just made me want a house too. too bad i don't have the money for a down payment. sigh.
i took yet another nap to the college world series game on espn (congratulations to cal state fullerton), and had dinner with peter at the new pasta pomodoro in palo alto, across from the aquarius theater. our waitress was saccharine sweet, which kind of spooked us out a bit.
all in all, a mild weekend. i have other news which hasn't been resolved yet, and will update when things are finalized.
ho hum. i'm waiting here at work for the pizza to come. on thursdays, usually it's pizza from giovanni's, which is just too good to pass up, especially for free!
so my car looks all nice now, especially the interior. no more nasty steering wheel scrapies on the floormats! *yum*
so if you had the opportunity to find out why a girl isn't interested in you, would you ask? what if it really hurt? hm. i'd like to think that i would choose an honest (if hurtful) response over not knowing, because otherwise my brain just goes wonky thinking of all the unanswered questions.
fyi, i am getting over things. i'm just a little rattled by the ability for someone to be so silent and capable of avoidance.
i'm looking forward to the long weekend (july 4th). the only problem is, many of my friends are going backpacking, and while i would love to spend time with them, nature-time just isn't my cup of tea. where will i take a dump??
i love civilization too much. i'd much rather have concrete and carpet beneath my feet than dirt or grass.
anyways... after masa's, alan asked for a double date. hehe. doesn't look THAT is going to happen, is it? i am, however, headed up to the city on saturday to have lunch with hr girl. that should be nice, although i hope i don't have to drive us anywhere after i get there; looking for parking is the #1 reason why i hate the city.
i am a sex/love camel.
you know what's weird? i could be married right now. i mean, if i had done things differently, i could be hitched to k1 or k2. what do i think of that? *shrug* maybe i'd be obscenely happy or obscenely depressed... having known each of them intimately, there's a chance for either scenario.
but yeah, "what if?" questions are silly. and i shall stop thinking about it. i can't say that i'm sad or depressed or anything with my life now... it's just that i keep asking myself, "so when's it gonna happen?" when. not if.
woah. last night, i got seinfeld'ed out. i think i watched like 5 straight episodes of the show before alan and ting came back and i got to talk to real, live human beings for a change.
anyways, my car is getting washed right now. at work, we got onsite car detailing services, and it's a good thing because i'm too damn lazy to wash it myself, especially the insides, which are filthy.
do those of you with leather steering wheels get nasty gunk caked on all over? you know when you're really dirty, and you scrape your skin, and this black stuff comes off? well, that's what i got on my steering wheel. kinda nasty, and thank goodness no one else drives my car.
ho hum.
i'm dreading tomorrow. i'll let you know why after i do the dirty deed.
banana republic has this orange polo for sale, according to alan. i sort of want it, but 1) i don't *need* it and 2) i don't feel like driving there just to get something that i only "sort of" want. hm. but... it's orange!
i think this whole liking orange started with my blog. i mean, i used to HATE the color, but for whatever reason, i liked the orange movabletype template when i saw it. and the rest is history.
anybody got the new beastie boys album? how is it? they're like 40 now! i wonder if their age gives them any new perspective in their work.
friady can't come soon enough.
sleep isn't so good for me lately. which means, i'm sleeping very soundly, going all the way from when i first fall asleep to about 5am. what gives? i *like* waking up at 3am, rolling over, checking the clock, and reminding myself how much more sleep i can get! sheeeiit.
i'm frustrated. i've got this big piece of earwax in my left ear. i can tell because when i'm lying in bed and tossing and turning, i can hear/feel it rumbling around in my ear canal. gross! and i have a feeling that stuffing my pink down there only cakes it in even more.
tic update for myself: i'm still pretty bad, especially at meals. it seems that somehow, sitting there and not being able to stretch out into my awkward positions makes me tic more. and it still fucking hurts. ugh. but, the good news is, it's not ruling me like it did in the previous three months.
they should have communal (i.e. dorm-like) living situations for people my age. it'd be cool to live with a bunch of people again, guaranteeing social access and stuff. these days, i feel so separated from the rest of society (and no, work doesn't count as "social activity") that it gets rather boring/lonely out here. hm.
i only watched an hour of tv last night: _outback jack_. yeah, it was pretty lame, but there was one really attractive girl (laura). she was a brunette (yeah! brunettes rock!), and had a *really* pretty face.
but then, when she got booted off, she said something like, "now i can go back to being my fabulous self." FABULOUS? hm. not so attractive anymore... heheh. vanity has a way of making someone uglier.
dinner with yuji was good, though short. i like hanging out with him, although our conversations seemed more eventful when we both were single. he recommended that i enjoy summer by growing to like baseball, but hm... i'm just not interested in that sport.
so this radio silence i'm getting from her is starting to grate. yes, chester and eric, i should consider it "d'ed tr" already, but i'm stupid and stubborn; i have to hear it from her in order to get the required closure, assuming (and rightly so) things are headed south. otherwise, i keep hanging on. and by a *very* thin thread mind you!
*yawn*
cindy said it best today when she was like, "i'm wondering what kind of girl lets a guy pay that much for dinner and doesn't have any interest him." i'm like, "EXACTLY!" it baffles my mind how she works. if i were her, i'd feel hella guilty. hella!
i did, however, find a cute girl on friendster yesterday. i looked through my gallery for the first time in months. i wrote her a brief note, so we'll see if she responds.
i like the way girls smell. it makes me want to nuzzle them.
anyways, maybe i should go speed dating again. i'm simply not meeting any new people. *RAAR*
btw, during my last smoking break, pulled out some of my hair and burned it with the tip of my cigarette. it smelled really foul. makes me wonder what kind of nasty odors came about when that girl was burning her pubes with a cigarette. tuna + stench = all kinds of nasty!
sigh. today is one of those lazy days. you know, the ones where you don't feel like doing anything except sleeping.
basketball was good. i made quite a few jumpers, but i did get away with a travel after i shuffled my feet before making a layup. ha!
so the dtr didn't happen last night. she didn't pick up. and i have this awful feeling that she's doggin' me. *RAAR* at this point, i'm just sort of pissed off, and i don't really care where the dtr goes as long as i get it over with. terrible attitude, eh?
this morning, i woke up and thought it was already wednesday. but then reality hit me. sucks.
last night, i watched _bridget jones' diary_ on tbs. they got away with saying "blowjob!" anyways, renee zellwegger gained a lot of weight for the part. people might say she looked fat, but i just found her adorable. i was reminded last night that this is one of my favorite movies. and there's gonna be a sequel, too!
i'm meeting up with yuji for dinner tonight. i should be good to see him. lately (i.e. for the past few months), he's sort of disappeared. not blogging much, not hanging out much with me. it's weird when that happens.
grrrr. k4.
mike was telling me on sunday that i should be happy that i'm pining for somebody. *hrmph* maybe this will be funny later on, i.e. after i get over her, but i swear, it ain't no fun right now! yes, this is sort of tantamount of being "alive," but it's sort of a sucky form of "alive," no?
she's bad news, man. :/
man, i'm tired today. probably because i slept until 2pm yesterday, i couldn't fall asleep last night. i wound up finally getting some shuteye around 3am, which means FOUR HOURS of tossing and turning in bed beforehand. *RAAR*
i've had dim sum twice in 24 hours. greasy greasy food. ick. i mean, it tastes so *good* at first, but afterwards, like i said, ICK.
*yawn*
i've noticed while watching TBS that they seem to have forgotten to censor words in the late stretches of their featured movies. like, in _american pie_, they let slip a "shit" and last night on _zoolander_, they forgot to censor "bullshit." hm. i wonder if they just got lazy and skipped the endings of the movies? *ponder*
i've been meaning to watch TBS's rebroadcasts of _sex and the city_ to see how much they've changed the show, but i never get around to it. so, for those of you who have seen the episodes on cable, is much of the dialogue bleeped out or changed?
i like leeks. despite the fact that they cause "leek breath" burps later on. tasty!
so alan is planning a big july 4th weekend backpacking trip in point reyes. and just to show you how much of a lazy ass wimp i am, i'm thinking of not going because 1) the hike intimidates me and 2) i'd have to rent a whole bunch of gear. plus, i'll miss civilization, and the prospect of taking a dump out in the wilderness and having to carry the used toilet paper with me is just unappetizing.
anyways... it's almost time to go home. i hope i sleep better tonight. we'll see. i plan on calling and having my DTR at 9pm or so. so don't bother me! :/
i'm such a wuss. in these situations, i usually have so pump/psyche myself up to saying, "i'm not afraid of her... i'm not afraid of her..." pathetic, eh?
i'm a wimp when it comes to DTR's. in fact, i have never initiated one myself.
usually, what happens is that we both want each other, so one night, (usually with the assistance of alcohol) we hook up, and WHAM-O! we're in a relationship! easy breezy, huh? yep, my relationships always begin with a (nervous) first kiss.
but the DTR? seems like an awkward proceeding to me. i mean, i have generally stated that the necessity of a DTR means that something isn't quite "natural" about the relationship. and given my history of how things have started with me, you can see why i believe that.
anyways. this afternoon, i finally summoned enough courage to IM the girl and try to initiate the conversation. but motherfucker, she isn't rseponding! yes, i know IM is probably a bad venue to talk about such things, but i just couldn't wait. sigh. maybe i'll give her a call tonight. she *better* pick up!
so friday night, i met up with paul and company at pasta pomodoro. the food wasn't bad, although as always, i felt a bit weird paying over $10 for a bowl of pasta. afterwards, we hung out at tea era where leeya asked if i was an ass man or a breast man. i went with the latter, although i made a point to say that i've been appreciating a good ass more and more lately.
saturday was really boring. i woke up at 1pm, and watched tv for the entire afternoon. let's see... i watched the "driven" episode with paula abdul, which was a nice walk down memory lane because i had a crush on her back in junior high. it was the "straight up" video that did it for me. and when i heard "forever your girl," i got some immediate nostalgia for those days.
then, i found out that jessica simpson went to my high school! yep, she's a graduate of j. j. pearce high school in richardson, just like me!
then, i watched four straight _friends_ episodes before i headed off to mallory's place where her mom made some luscious leek and pork dumplings. the only problem was, they were watching this inscrutable chinese miniseries (30 episodes!) that was boring to me, so after two episodes were done, i just left.
sunday, i woke up at 2pm, and headed to milpitas to have dim sum with alan and ting at mayflower. afterwards, i went with jay to jerry's bbq in palo alto. didn't talk much, but it was nice to get out. boy, that place was a sausagefest, though: 3 girls and like a dozen guys.
later on, i headed back to milipitas to have pearl milk tea with mike. we hit sweetheart cafe and just chatted for about an hour on all sorts of things. it was good seeing mike again, as i haven't hung out with him since the dido concert.
sigh. weekends are too short!
i have zilch for weekend plans. that bodes badly for me, as my default option (hanging out with my roommate) doesn't exist; i dropped him off at the airport about two hours ago. man, SJC is a big old mess! i got lost trying to find the 101 after getting out of the terminal area. glarg.
my weeknights have been pretty bleak lately. last night, i think i watched about 3 hours of tv straight, even though nothing good was on. just wasting time channel surfing. double glarg.
i need to find a weekday activity. hm. what to do? *ponder*
i think it's time to throw a party at our place. i'll try to come up with a date, and hopefully people can make it. jell-o shots galore!
you know, i have never gotten drunk off of jell-o shots. or maybe it's just that i am drinking so much other alcohol that those drinks hit me first. hm. which reminds me. i need to get more jameson.
i had three jameson's (irish whiskey) at masa's last saturday. they didn't seem to care. but, when i took jo-ann to this seafood restaurant in portland a few years ago, the waiters were very concerned for me as i downed one whiskey after another. i think they thought i was a lightweight, and they were afraid that i'd cause a drunken raucous spectacle. ha!
hm. who am i going to hang out with this weekend? ting is going to some lesbian theater event tomorrow night, and she's going to meet an old stanford classmate of mine who apparently came out of the closet after she graduated. and i've heard that this girl's girlfriend is HOT. damn!
i've always wondered when lesbian sex ends. what i mean is, in heterosexual sex, the "session" usually ends when the guy blows his wad. but, lesbians don't have that finite "event," so when do they stop? when both girls have had an orgasm? when they get tired from licking each other's clitorises? i need answers!
maybe i should watch some lesbian porn. i have some, but i'm not really into it, and hence i've never watched it all the way through. *shrug*
anyways, i have an all hands meeting in a few minutes. toodles!
woot! the main coding is done! now i just got to wrap up the top level wires, and then start testing! woot woot!
that's a load off my shoulders. at least a light one; testing will still be some work.
i gotta be better about eating during basketball days. usually, after i play, it's like 1:30 or so, and i'm just not hungry. so lately, i've been skipping lunch. but now, i just had a piece of coffeecake and a cup o'noodles at the office. sigh. i'm not being healthy!
now i just want to go home and sleep.
anyways... i am having a dearth of social activity these days. that's not to say it's anybody's fault... in fact, it's probably mainly due to my ticciness and stuff that i don't go out and be proactive about hanging out with people. but this weekend, with alan gone, i need to make some plans for myself. who wants hang out?? :)
sigh. k4. i want her.
although, i am over the whole lovesickness bit. like i said, i think i was just severely bummed that graduation day didn't yield good interaction. but it's been like 4 days, so the disappointment has dulled.
i'd like to rant about women are hard to read, but i actually think that the situation with k4 is pretty obvious. but i'm just no letting go. so does that make me foolish? stupid? pathetic? perhaps. :/
foolish is the amount of money is spent at masa's. wowzers! although, my friend alex said that it wasn't all for naught, though... because i got to enjoy the company of a hot girl in a hot dress. but i say *shrug*, because that ain't enough!
money, man.
you know it's summer when there is no good television to watch. now that the NBA is done with its season, there aren't even any good games on! *RAAR*
like last night, we got stuck watching some really really bad jean-claude van damme movie called "in hell." ick. someone recommend me some good summertime shows! (yes, mike, i tried watching _summerland_, but couldn't get through the opening segment. it ain't no OC! :)
ho hum. alan leaves tomorrow for a weekend of debauchery in vegas. sigh. i wish i could go, not with these people, but with some other friend who was having a bachelor party. i really enjoyed my stay in vegas last year, especially with that cute dancer girl shannon. :)
it was an expensive outing, though... vegas has a way of sucking up all your money. and no, i don't gamble.
i should be more thankful it's already thursday, but i've got a lot of coding and verification to do. and i GOT to get this done if i'm going to be leaving this job. otherwise, it'll be some heavy screwage that i'm doing.
ok. i should get back to coding.
i'm sort of puzzled at myself. you know how when you first fall in love or become infatuated with someone, you think they're smashingly beautiful? but after things die down or you break up or you lose interest, they cease to be supremely good-looking to you?
why is that?
it bothers me.
it bothers me because i'd like to think that i can be *objective* about ascertaining a person's attractiveness. but judging from my history and the way i feel about certain women, i am SO obviously not capable of being objective! *RAAR*
ok, there is one girl that i still think is beautiful (and who probably will remain that way in my book for eternity), but the rest of them... even though i thought they looked great back when i liked them, they're like "meh" to me now.
it bugs!
what does this mean to me? i could never be a beauty pageant judge! haha.
no, seriously. what this means is that someday i'll no longer think that this girl i've been obsessing over is "smashing" (the term i use today), and i'll be kicking myself over why i've been lavishing this femme with all my attention and money. can you say self-flagellation? :/
i'm in the midst of coding hell right now. i gotta finish this shit up by the end of the week (or, as i told them, monday). *RAAR*
to be honest, when i'm actually *coding*, i feel good. i'm having fun. my brain is engaged. but it's this extreme intense procrastinator's bug that i've got that doesn't make it any good for me. i just find it incredibly hard to start something here at the office. so yeah, i'm blogging now to buy me some more time before continuing onto my next block.
so let me congratulate the pistons on a resoundingly impressive team effort. woot! i mean, i'm was rooting for the lakers, but i'm not terribly upset that they lost. they just got their asses handed to them by motown.
i was talking to a friend yesterday who was concerned that his standards for women might be falling. i didn't think this was a big deal. in fact, this might be a good thing... anything that expands your range of "dateable" women might be a boon, don't you think?
i mean, who cares if people don't think you're dating a total cutie? as long as you think they're cute, then that's what matters, right?
sometimes i wish that my standards would drop. but in the meantime, i'm embroiled in this masochistic pursuit of a girl who (i think) looks smashing, yet gives me no love back. and that REALLY sucks. :(
*sigh*
masochistic, that's for sure. something must be wrong with me.
the same friend chides me sometimes for being a glutton for punishment when it comes to love. i've said before that i like *suffering* for love, so that when i finally get what i want, the sense of accomplishment is that much greater. but damn, sometimes i wonder how much more action i'd get if i went after easier prospects. and i'm *not* talking about loose women here, either, just pursuits that don't wind up kicking my ass.
*shrug* i can't choose who i like. and that's the rub, eh?
ha! it seems yahoo is feeling the heat from google's mail service, so they upgraded my account to 100MB, for free! that's cool. i just hope they don't start charging me somewhere down the road. and damn, it was really slow earlier this morning.
so tonight's the night! we shall see if the lakers can win one in detroit and prevent the motor city from going bonkers. kobe practically guaranteed a win, so we'll see if the purple and gold and pull it out and send the series back to los angeles.
hm. what else is there to talk about? the weather outside is blazingly hot. i don't know what it is (maybe the humidity), but something out there makes it really unbearable. just having a cigarette break (which lasts about two minutes) made me feel all nasty and shit.
it makes me wonder if i'm going to go to spain/italy. i've heard it's going to be dreadfully hot at the end of august, and if it's anything like the way it is here right now, then i don't think i'm going to enjoy the trip.
damn. just got more comment spam. banning IP's only works so-so, but i've got annoying users/bots who use a different IP address with every post. so what to do about that?
ah, summer. it's almost upon us. it's just a shame that we don't get summer vacation like we did back in school. i miss that, not having to worry about anything for a few months (even though i had summer jobs) and just being lazy most of the time.
it would be great to be a kid again. yesterday, a coworker brought his two cute hapa sons in, and they seemed so happy just to run around and eat ice cream. simple things make kids happy, and that's something that i miss about my life.
i love sleep. these days (or, rather, nights), i have this habit of *wanting* to wake up at night just so i can roll over and check the time. that way, i know how much sleep i have left. pleasure!
the best is waking up around 3-4am. that way, i know that i still have oodles and oodles of sleep left. :)
i'm disappointed that the nba season is winding down. after that, what sports is there left to watch? yes, there will be the olympics later on this summer, but aside from that, it's all baseball. ick. how many home runs and double play highlights can i watch before it gets boring? bring on the football season!
i am worried about my mom. she called today and told me that she might be going on antidepressants. and earlier this weekend, she called from some random phone number and told me that she was so lonely she was staying with a church friend. :(
i hate watching my parents grow old. it saddens me. and i don't know what i can do for them... i just wish i could share some of their burdens. (although, with my own ticcy problems, i probably wouldn't be able to handle much more.)
but i definitely think that i inherited much of my mom's weaknesses. stuff like depression, tourette's (i think mild forms of it exist in my mom's side), and a general anxiety over life. if i took after my dad more, i think i'd be better off, psychologically speaking.
sigh. sadness.
i definitely feel like i've been in a funk since yesterday. like i said before, i attribute it to being lovesick, but that just sucks, doesn't it? i mean, i think _harry potter 3_ was a good movie, but i just didn't enjoy it as much as i should have. although, i did chuckle every time the wizards uttered "expelliarmus!" at each other to knock the wands out of the other's hands. hehe. wands. phallic. hee.
but yeah, i don't seem to be interested in much lately. there are several points of stress in my life, the two biggest ones being the work i have to do here at the office and the impending choice of whether or not i'm going to leave the company.
and the thing is, neither should stress me out much. but they do. hence i take after my mom.
on a brighter side, the 1mg of haldol seems to be going ok. i mean, i still tic, and yes, they still hurt, but i don't have the excruciating anxiety of them. and that pleases me.
well, this morning i was feeling a bit down. hell, ever since graduation yesterday, i had been feeling down. i decided this morning that it was because i was lovesick. shit, it's a weird feeling, because i haven't been lovesick since k3 in 2001. but then again, who gets *used to* that feeling anyway?
sigh.
double sigh.
so this job thing is dragging on. i had expected to get an offer last week so i could give me two weeks notice here, but still, they want MORE references and an official application process and all that. which i can understand, but still, the timing of things isn't great. at least, i have more and more time to finish up my work here, which is good, i guess.
but going back to lovesickness. love. sick. what a word, huh? who would have thought that affection for someone could make you feel like crap? but then again, it's all about neurotransmitters and endorphins and other chemicals like that, so i guess i can see how it can happen. i just don't like it.
i mean, some day in the future, i'll look back on this entry and laugh. either because i got the girl and realize how trivial this suffering is, or because i didn't get the girl and stop liking her and realize... how trivial this suffering is. :) but now, it ain't so fun.
but damn, is she a sexy beast.
and that's why i like her more. i don't come across truly sexy women that often. so beholding her is like beholding a rare beauty that comes alone only a few times in my life.
anyways...
so friday after work, i headed to the stanford shopping center to meet up with alan and ting. we had a pre-dinner snack, and shopped a bit before heading to jay's birthday dinner at cascal. it was a raucous time, although i was sitting at the edge of the group (opposite from a happy jay), so i didn't get to talk to the birthday boy at all.
afterwards, three couples from dinner went clubbing, so i passed and went to bed.
saturday, we had lunch at arby's (yum!), and afterwards, i hung out with jay at fry's electronics while he got a nav system installed in his wife's car. after the car was all ready, he drove me home, and i took a nap before taking k4 to masa's.
masa's was very swanky. i got to wear my new suit for the second time! k4 looked smashing in her black dress and red leather jacket. dinner was good, but i think it was a bit overrated. the only really memorable edible thing was this fried bone marrow that melted in your mouth like fat. holy shit that was good.
i had three jameson's (irish whiskey) during the front half of the meal, so that got me a little buzzed and took the edge off of my tics. to be honest, the tics caused a lot of anxiety leading up to dinner, but i think i handled it ok.
and dinner was very very expensive.
but! we saw ron siegel! in fact, when k4 went to the bathroom, she saw him, shook his hand, and talked to him for a little bit! i was so jealous. :)
sunday, we headed into downtown PA to get ting a new cell phone; her new phone has a camera with flash AND zoom! tech envy... grrrr...
and then we headed to stanford for the MSE departmental graduation. ting knew a ph.d. student (kevin) who was graduating, and it was also k4's department. i let out a whoop when her name was called, and she waved.
unfortunately, to my great disappointment, i didn't get to talk to her much at all after the ceremony. she was too busy mingling with her colleagues, and it sort of bummed me out.
we left campus and saw _harry potter 3_, which was pretty good, i guess, aside from my being bummed. i can't say that emma watson is that hot or anything; maybe she's in that awkward phase of early adolescence, and she'll get hotter as she matures. *shrug*
we grabbed some jack in the box for dinner and went home to watch the vaunted lakers struggle once again and fall to the pistons 3 games to 1. sigh. it's over... poor karl malone.
and that was it! a weekend filled with activities, and that made me happy.
friday! friday at last!
man, it's been a long week at work, especially after following a 4-day workweek. i got my shit done for this week; next up is the egress side of the changes, which will be much more complicated. but i'll sweep that under the rug in my mind and keep the worrying on hold until next monday. :)
i am officially scared for the lakers. the pistons were like rabid wolverines on defense last night, keeping the lakers to a franchise-low 68 points. man alive!
i had a pint of beer at lunch today. we went to the tied house in mountain view, and i got some cascade amber. it gave me a buzz, which was kind of cool, but kind of annoying because i had to do some coding after lunch. i got these really greasy smoked salmon fish & chips, which i don't recommend unless you want a lot of grease in your meal. a LOT.
i got this google phrase the other day:
"chlorine smell in vagina"
hm. unless i'm mistaken, vadges don't smell like chlorine. it's the spunk. so maybe the guy came inside the girl and then took a whiff? *ponder*
i heard on the radio the other day that the comeshots in most porn videos aren't real, i.e. it isn't real spunk. in reality, they allegedly use a mixture of cornstarch and other stuff to create virtual spooge. and that's why guys in porn seem to have much larger loads than us normal men. hmm.
plans for the weekend? well, there's masa's, there's jay's birthday dinner tonight, and there's hopefully a viewing of the latest _harry potter_ which i am interested in seeing. aside from that, i still need to rest up.
sigh. i hate the fact that i can't have interesting weekends anymore. instead, i keep using the phrase "rest up" or "chill out." fuck, i've been resting for THREE months now! when will my tics start waning? *SIGH*
poor asian pear. i've had one on my desk for the last three weeks. my coworker asked if i was trying to fossilize it. i guess i'm just too lazy to eat it, so i finally threw it away. poor asian pear.
not much going on today. except that work sucks. i had a heated exchange with my boss today when he was trying to explain to me how to do part of my design. i mean, he made good points, but he was a bit, um, emphatic in his explanation. i think i caught him using the word "fucking" at least once.
i really don't know how i'm going to tell them that i'm leaving. we're smack in the middle of a project, and i think it's going to be bad karma for me. *sigh*
i am, however, looking forward to going back home. and watching game 3 of the nba finals. nervousness! the lakers just can't seem to pull away from the pistons at any time. and now that karl malone is injured? hm. rough times ahead.
tomorrow night is jay's birthday dinner. 9pm. why so late? i have no idea. it's at cascal, this tapas place on castro and california (hence the name cascal). last time we went there, it wasn't so good, so i'm not particularly excited about it. and besides, it's so late at night that i think i'll be having a pre-dinner anyways.
well, now that masa's executive chef is leaving, i think i am more inclined to go. man, my only worry is not the cost, but how ticcy i'll be. i just don't want to cause a scene, you know? and i do want to be able to enjoy the food, and lately, for the past few months, meals have been particularly hard to savor because of the fact that i have to sit there and tic repeatedly.
i got a haircut yesterday. i wore a hat to mat down the hair, so how i have this 7-year-old's bowlcut sitting on top of my head. it looks ridiculous. yes, i'm too lazy to gel it up, so don't bug me about it! haha
i think my problem isn't that i need a change of venue as far as my job is concerned. my problem is that i am simply burned out of work in general. i don't want to go into the office anymore! so that is weighing on my mind, because i don't think my intentions of leaving are pure. it's more of an escapist mentality. any advice for me? whether i take the new job or not, i think i'll be burning bridges at one place or another. *RAAR*
these days, i'm often puzzled by the fact that i am blogging less and less. where are all those kooky thoughts? where did they go? i mean, back during the geocities journal days, i would plunk down at least 7K characters a day, and in one sitting! *swoon*
maybe it's the medication? maybe my life has just been one dull, drab existence? maybe it's both? hm.
to update you, i'm on both abilify and haldol right now. both are antipsychotic drugs, and what that means (i think) is that it slows down my brain. the theory goes that if i'm less mentally hyperactive, then i'll tic less. at least, that's how it's *supposed* to work, even though i'm just as ticcy as before, i think.
anyways, maybe i'm burning on on blogging. i mean, i think i've touched on every sexual situation, every personal anecdote, etc. that i've been meaning to address. and i'm simply not generating enough new memories to sustain my average of 5 posts a day. so thus, you have my new and boring blog. *argh*
maybe i should order some new porn. i swear, the stuff i have is getting old.
speaking of porn, interest in the monthly _penthouse_ that we have been getting seems to be waning. the original recipient of the magazine doesn't even want it anymore. i guess i can see why; static pictures of women splaying open their labia can only go so far, right? and the sex scenes with a man and a woman just don't have the *oomph* without the motion. *shrug*
oh, and i still don't know about masa's. i was hoping that going a week on haldol might decrease my tics, but it hasn't been happening fast enough. so don't bug me about it! hehe.
living with tourette's is hard. sorry, it's an obvious statement, but still, i had to say it. it's a real bitch sometimes. now feel sorry for me! :)
i'm feeling blue. not sure why.
maybe it's that time of the month; i need to get a haircut then.
i SO don't want to do any work now. or ever. but, i got bombed with some recoding that needs to be done, and in my case, redone before i leave. shit. i hate time pressure!
so, does anything think that the lakers can pull this championship out? how many more miracle shots (i.e. kobe's 3-pointer) do they have left? especially with the next three games away in detroit!
also, does anyone have espn HD? how does it look? and does it come with cable and/or satellite? sorry, i don't know how it works. but i would imagine sportscenter would be MARVELOUS to watch! you'd be able to see linda cohn's zits! haha.
my massage last night was sooooo nice. afterwards, i just breathed in and out with my face down on the massage table, and it felt like all the pressure i've been feeling in my neck and shoulders just melted away. i could have fallen asleep there. that's some good shit!
a few nights ago, i felt a weird sensation in my stomach while i was sleeping. the first was like a churning in my stomach, and the second was like a flush that put pressure on my bowels afterwards. it's neat to behold gastrointestinal processes in real life! i think it's all the cereal (i.e. milk and my semi-lactose intolerance) that i've been eating that's doing this to me.
for lunch today, we went to this roadside bbq pit on oakland road in san jose. it's situated right in an industrial zone, so it was a bit sketchy. i got this pork sandwich that was pretty nasty, but the other guys seemed to be happy with their ribs and stuff. man, the dives we go to!
but i remind you, i'm feeling blue. i need some cheering up. this morning, i couldn't get out of bed; i had promised myself i'd do some real coding today, and the stress just made me all jittery and stuff when i woke up today. i swear, i inherited my nervousness and anxiety from my mom.
i guess i've been pigeonholed at work. people here call me "the coding machine." which may be flattering, but that just means that i get all the garbage codework that needs to be done these days. and THAT sucks.
come to think of it, i haven't done anything aside from coding and module-level verification. no back end stuff, no synthesis, no timing analysis. shit, at my first company, i even did scan insertion and ATPG!
sheeit.
I AIN'T NO CODE MONKEY!
man, my feet are sweaty. these steve madden shoes don't breathe very well, so the result is... nasty nasty wet foot-soles!
i had a serious bout of insomnia last night. i got into bed at 11pm, and didn't fall asleep until 2:00am. i hate it when dreams inherent involve some sort of plot that makes me wake up, although i can't remember exactly what last night's plot was. something to do with masa's, i think. yes, i am sort of stressed about that affair.
so yes, i played tennis with k4 last night. silly how i have to drive all the way up there for an hour of tennis, but still, she's really cute in how she gets upset with herself; see, she's just a beginner, and her shots have a tendency to go all over the place.
this morning, i got really sad for some reason. like, i couldn't do anything to get myself out of that funk. i was just plain old sad. i haven't felt that way in a long time, and for an instant, i thought i was back in a clinical depression state. luckily, i'm sort of out of it now, but still... i feel listless.
i *think* the haldol is doing me some good. i don't feel as anxious over the next tic, as inevitable as it is. *cheer* but the bad news is, i'm still ticcing, and it still fucking HURTS.
and the bad news is, my masseuse has an injury! tennis elbow. ugh. i hope i can still get the forceful kneads that my shoulder and neck need. 6:30. i can't wait.
in the meantime, i'm fretting over some code changes that i need to do. it's hard to work when i know that i'll be most likely leaving. sort of like senioritis, you know? i know when alan left his company, he had no desire to do anything at his old place, sort of like a "fuck 'em" attitude.
heh. my neighbors are discussing the rules of mortagages and interest rates and stuff. it makes me think: i want a house!
sigh. the problem is, i don't have enough money to buy a house (the down payment is the killer). but boy howdy, do i have an urge to decorate!
btw, i get a lot of google hits for this phrase:
"emma watson/hermione granger breasts"
damn, people! i mean, she's only a teenager! can't you pervs wait until she becomes an adult and develops a real set of boobs? even with *my* hermione obsession, i have no desire to see her naked. i just think she's cute.
there is, however, to my dismay, fanfic about sexual escapades between the characters of _harry potter_. ick. i just don't think of the characters in a sexual light! (maybe that's a good thing, ne?)
i am suspicious about my chiropractor. he's touting this "activator" technique, whereby he tells me to do weird poses while lying down, and he feels whether my legs "shrink" or "expand" relative to each other. and then, he hits me with the said "activator" tool, which feels like a stapler without the staples. is this really supposed to help me? *ponder*
after my chiropractic appointment, i had my usual yoshinoya drop-in. i dunno. without the beef, it just doesn't taste good anymore. (i used to get the beef/spicy chicken combo, extra spicy sauce. now, i've replaced the beef with shrimp, which just isn't as good.)
boy, shit is going to hit the fan when i leave this company. i am dreading it.
and what the hell happened to the lakers last night? just based on that game alone, i think detroit has a damn good chance to win the championship. what an upset!
anyways, not much going on today. i'm just curious right now how the stanley cup game 7 is going...
so the ball is rolling on me securing a position at my new company. i gave it some thought over the weekend, and i do think it's time to leave my current place. i think a part of me has already accepted the fact that i'll be leaving, and it's hard to turn down that kind of thinking.
plus, the potential added salary doesn't hurt, either. :)
the only things that bother me are:
1) the potential to hurt feelings at my current company, i.e. the bad timing
2) the fact that i'll no longer work at a startup, thus no potential for $$$
i've always worked at startups. this is my third one, and i'm always dreaming big, i.e. my stock options would be worth a lot one day. so far, i've seen my options go to $0 exactly, and at my second company, i've seen my options go to some little amount of money. so much for reality, eh?
anyways, i feel ok today. tics are still bugging me, but for some reason, they're not *killing* me like they used to. we'll see where this goes. masa's is still 30% happening, although that's not much, is it?
i have a tennis meeting with k4 tonight. yeah, it's a pain driving up to daly city to see her, but whatever. i like seeing her.
and! i'm due for a massage. yup. got one lined up for one tomorrow night. *drool*
so. let's see here... i didn't think friday night would go anywhere, but later, we met peter on castro and had the late night specials (9-midnight) at kirin. then, we stopped by molly magee's briefly. while peter chatted it up with his hospital friends, alan and i just surveyed the crowd. yep, it was pretty sad.
saturday, i got out of bed at 3pm, and watched the belmont stakes. it was really exciting! i mean, i was standing up, cheering for smarty jones to win the triple crown, but he got beaten by birdstone by a mere length! man. what a shame.
alan's family dropped by, and celebrated katy's (alan's sister's) birthday at hunan homes. peking duck, yum. later on, peter came over, and i watched them play video games for a bit before heading to bed.
i got out of bed on sunday at 1pm, and just putzed around while lying on the futon. watched a lot of tv, took a nap, etc. i grabbed a burrito as my only meal of the day, helped do some online crossword puzzles with alan and ting, and that was it.
yeah, i know my weekend updates are really boring now, but i'm still waiting for my tourette's to ease up so i can do more activities, i.e. actually *leaving* the house. sigh.
well, i do complain a lot. a change in my code that i was whining about all morning wound up taking about 10 minutes... total. that includes changing the code itself, changing the testbench, and running module-level verification. ho hum.
but i *did* get a new assignment, i.e. ripping up my current design to accomodate new features. THAT will be hard, no doubt, and i just wonder... if i'm leaving the company, then how do i tell them in light of this position? shit.
so i started up haldol (the medication) last night. i got the old side effects back... a feeling of restlessness (akathesia) which made it hard to sleep, and photosensitivity, which made me wake up the moment it got just a *teensy* bit light outside. man. rough times are coming as i adjust to this drug.
i also farted a lot in bed last night. and they all felt like sharts to me. scary! i kept on sticking my hand between my asshole and my sheets, for fear or something liquid coming out. but it didn't. still, it was no good to live in fear last night.
sigh. meds interfering with my sleep is a bad thing. in these days of stress and tics, sleep is the only thing i've got going for me!
anyways, i'm looking forward to the weekend.
last night, i got hit with some pangs of ill-feeling. the whole "no house, no girl, not even a job that i like" aspect of my life, topped with this whole tourette's meltdown... it just all got to me. i distinctly remember sitting on the futon, thinking, "damn, and there isn't even good television on to help me escape reality!" :(
anybody seeing _harry potter_ this weekend? tell me if hermione is cute! of the three books that i read (the first three), i liked this one the best, so... i hope the movie's good. i'll try to catch it sometime in the coming weeks.
man, my armpits are smelly today! btw, i didn't develop armpit hair until late in adolescence.
the first time i caught a whiff of real armpit BO was when i was making out with k1, and i took a nosedive straight into that region on her body. wowee! and no, i can't explain why i went there in the first place.
but anyways, i'm clockwatching big time right now. i just want to get thursday over with so i can go home and lie down.
i get triscuits and wheat thins confused. we have a big box of the latter at work, and i was expecting to grab a handful of fibrous crackers. whoops. the fibrous variety is actually triscuits! (both go well with easy cheese, i must say.)
i don't snack much, though. i *can* snack, but usually i'm too lazy to. isn't that awful? too lazy to simply grab a bag of chips or something and chew on them? i'm such a slothful bastard. case in point: my favorite fruit is a banana. why? because there's no washing needed, no knife needed, no cleanup required, simply peel and eat and toss. :)
um, yeah. as you can see, i have nothing to talk about today.
last night, i called up a childhood (meaning, we met in the 3rd grade) friend that i googled last week. pritam. it was great talking to him and his loquacious self. he sounded great (i know that sounds weird).
we were talking about protective asian parents. because we both had them. and how we both went sort of crazy once we left home for college. pritam partied his ass off (and subsequently failed all his classes) for two and a half years before he finally straightened out and made it to med school. for that, i am proud of him.
but yeah, both of us know a lot of horror/failure stories about protected asian kids going berserk in college, thus flunking out and being kicked out and forced to go to community colleges. it makes me think about how i'm going to parent my kid(s). how to strike a balance between having discipline yet letting them get their wildness out of their system. *ponder*
man! there REALLY isn't anything going on today!
i saw my psych this morning. i'm back taking haldol again; hopefully it'll work, and the drug will make me tic less, leading me on the road to recovery. *crossed fingers*
i did ask him about medicinal pot. he said it was his policy not to prescribe it for anybody, so i guess obtaining some bud through legal methods isn't gonna happen. *shrug*
hm. mike has a poker night tonight. i'd like to go, but i don't know if i'm going to make it or not. i haven't seen the bowling gang in a long time!
four-day workweeks are heavenly, i must say. it's already thursday afternoon, and i'm looking forward to the weekend. ting is out of town (bachelorette party in vegas), so i wonder if i'll get some good guy-bonding time with alan. we'll see.
ah, haldol. and granddaddy antipsychotic of them all. i've overdosed on it before, it was pretty scary shit. one time i took too much, i kept on standing up and falling down, until they put me out with a shot of benadryl. another time, i got akathesia (restlessness), insomnia, blurred vision, and on top of that, i started hearing things! *shiver*
man. the sports season is winding down. (by the sports season, i mean everything but baseball, which i loathe.) the nba finals are starting on sunday, and after that, there will be no more sports to watch! arrrgh. this is the biggest reason why i dislike summer.
ok, more later, i think.
the other day, i saw this video of a girl BURNING off her pubes with a lit cigarette. mamma mia! sounds like a risky maneuver to me... what if she hits her clitoris with the flaming tip? YOOOWCH!
anyways, work is surprising light right now. but once my boss and the CTO come up with this new header format, i'll have a pile of stuff on my plate again. *sigh* it never ends!
but yeah. clitorises are cool. i wish i had one, just for a day, to see what it feels like to have it stimulated nicely. :p
not much going on today. i feel like going home, but i gotta show face time at the office, no?
AND, there's no good tv to watch until sunday! (that's when the NBA finals start.) although, last night's pacers/pistons game 6 was really ugly... their 60 combined points at the first half was an NBA record low, fyi. neither team could buy a basket in the 2nd quarter.
i had this amazing orgy dream last night. not that *i* was in the orgy, but i saw pictures of some of my friends in the orgy. it was sort of interesting seeing people i knew in sexual positions caught on camera. spicy!
speaking of which, naked pictures of me are still floating about in the world. i wonder how they're doing. *wink*
so i'm seeing my psych tomorrow morning. i'm going to ask about two things: 1) procuring some medicinal bud, and 2) going back to haldol, the ATOMIC BOMB medication of all antipsychotics. i am pretty desperate now in my search to limit my ticcing frequency, and i'm almost willing to try anything.
btw, if i don't get any better (tourette's-wise), masa's with k4 is OFF. i can't deal with having a 3-hour dinner and sitting there, ticcing my ass off in front of all these hooty-tooty rich people. yikes!
thanks to jennie for IM'ing me.
these days, i think IM is the best form of social interaction for me. i get to relax in my comfortable position, tic when i want to without disturbance to the other person, and just talk.
it's nice.
so i had lunch with an old boss today. he didn't give me quite the hard sell on the company, but i could tell he was trying to be honest, and that he really wanted me to join.
and i can't deny that i'm thinking about it.
after lunch, he took me into the company cafeteria, and i saw viet and oh (and later marty) sitting there. it was like seeing old friends again.
yup. a part of me wants to work with these people again.
now, the question is... how to proceed, and whether this is what i really want.
i am waiting for my life to change. hopefully, for the better.
i got BOMBED with comment spam this week. got like 50+ random entries. does anybody what i can do about it? it fucking sucks!
back to life changes. i was talking to a friend the other day at the taiko concert, and he was like, "you never know where life is going to take you."
my problem is, my life is taking me around and around to shitty places and back to those shitty places. it's a merry-go-round of hell.
*throws hands up in disgust*
it's a shame that smoking is so bad for you. because sometimes, like after a really tasty meal, or while having a stiff vodka tonic, a cigarette is just so... good.
i've often wondered when i'm going to quit, though. if anything, smoking is going to kill me faster than stress or my bad diet or not exercising enough.
and what about girls? i know smoking is a huge turn-off for most people (including women). that's why k2 and i were so fun while it lasted... we both enjoyed cigarettes.
in fact, the story goes, our first meeting was a lesson... me being the instructor, teaching her how to smoke. so cigarettes were our first bond. kind of nasty, but also kind of sweet, too.
that said, i don't know i would date a heavy smoker. i know it sounds hypocritical, but if i did, then we'd never quit. the urges and cravings while one of us tried to quit would just be too tough to overcome. that is, unless we both quit at the same time, but what would be the odds of that being done successfully?
but i think a lot of people who don't smoke don't understand how wonderful it is sometimes. i'm not saying smoking like a burning haystack is good, but once in a while, there are times when life calls out for nothing but a cigarette.
i wonder how it that i got burnt out on life so fast. i mean, my parents are in their mid 50's, and now they can see their health slowly deteriorate, but me? i'm not even 30 yet! sheeeiiiit.
i'm burping up these really fishy smells. i think my filet o' fish from mcd's was bad or something. i hope i don't get food poisoning! *knocks on wood*
i'm down to like 176 pounds now. that's a loss of over 25 pounds since my peak during christmas! i wonder if i can fit into my old suit... *ponder* remember that last year, i had to buy a new suit for jay's wedding just because i was so fat...
i've got a phone call to make that i've been putting on hold. the dude (pritam) is an old friend of mine from elementary school and junior high. it's funny, because he's the only friend of mine who i ever fought with. i distinctly remember him coming over and asking me why i was pissed off at him. poor guy, he took the brunt of my moodiness and angst back then.
but yeah. i finally googled him last week, and i found his e-mail address. i haven't talked to this guy in well over a decade! word he is used to associate with some indian hoodlums back during undergrad, but he straightened out and now is in med school somewhere back in texas.
i feel bad that i've been neglecting my friends, both real and online. i'm so embroiled in this nervous/tourettic breakdown thing that i haven't been good about calling people and meeting up with them. i keep spending time by myself to try get out of this funk, but it isn't helping for some reason. *RAAR*
but anyways, i just wanted to apologize to my friends for ignoring them. during my 6-day hiatus, during the weekdays, i would just sleep and watch tv. even my roommate would come in and be expect me to just be lying on the futon with the television on. arrgh.
trust me, you don't want to be me right now.
well, i'm back. not *back* back, but at least i'm in the office again. the break was nice, although i didn't do much, and i'm still ticcy and stressed out and all that.
let's see... friday night, we had dinner korea house, and went back and played video games (at least, i watched while alan and peter fought iraqi soldiers on the ps2).
saturday, i met up with emi and gwen at the stanford shopping center. then, we had lunch at sushi house and went to see _shrek 2_. you know, it wasn't as funny or good as i thought it would be, but maybe that was just my mood. the girls were also "meh" about the movie.
then, we picked up shoji from the taiko invitational at stanford and watched the lakers lose to the timberwolves. i ordered pizza for everyone (barden and mike also dropped by), and we played trivial pursuit (i lost AGAIN!) and chatted until about midnight.
sunday, the girls and i had brunch at hobee's, and we watched the invitational taiko concert... stanford rocked as usual, and the other groups were not so bad, either. although one soloist gave me shivers because he/she (i couldn't tell the person's gender) lost the beat. ick.
we hung around with the alum and some of the current stanford taiko peeps, and when i went home.
and during the drive home, i just got really sad. all the visitors, being surrounded by people... that was over. and what was notable about this drive back was that i felt peaceful, albeit sad. i didn't tic for a long while. and that was refreshing. but it didn't last. *sigh*
sunday, i did my usual weekday thing... getting up late, taking a nap after lunch, and doing nothing. alan and ting came home around 6ish, so it was good to see them again. and that was it!