i'm sort of puzzled at myself. you know how when you first fall in love or become infatuated with someone, you think they're smashingly beautiful? but after things die down or you break up or you lose interest, they cease to be supremely good-looking to you?
why is that?
it bothers me.
it bothers me because i'd like to think that i can be *objective* about ascertaining a person's attractiveness. but judging from my history and the way i feel about certain women, i am SO obviously not capable of being objective! *RAAR*
ok, there is one girl that i still think is beautiful (and who probably will remain that way in my book for eternity), but the rest of them... even though i thought they looked great back when i liked them, they're like "meh" to me now.
it bugs!
what does this mean to me? i could never be a beauty pageant judge! haha.
no, seriously. what this means is that someday i'll no longer think that this girl i've been obsessing over is "smashing" (the term i use today), and i'll be kicking myself over why i've been lavishing this femme with all my attention and money. can you say self-flagellation? :/
i'm in the midst of coding hell right now. i gotta finish this shit up by the end of the week (or, as i told them, monday). *RAAR*
to be honest, when i'm actually *coding*, i feel good. i'm having fun. my brain is engaged. but it's this extreme intense procrastinator's bug that i've got that doesn't make it any good for me. i just find it incredibly hard to start something here at the office. so yeah, i'm blogging now to buy me some more time before continuing onto my next block.
so let me congratulate the pistons on a resoundingly impressive team effort. woot! i mean, i'm was rooting for the lakers, but i'm not terribly upset that they lost. they just got their asses handed to them by motown.
i was talking to a friend yesterday who was concerned that his standards for women might be falling. i didn't think this was a big deal. in fact, this might be a good thing... anything that expands your range of "dateable" women might be a boon, don't you think?
i mean, who cares if people don't think you're dating a total cutie? as long as you think they're cute, then that's what matters, right?
sometimes i wish that my standards would drop. but in the meantime, i'm embroiled in this masochistic pursuit of a girl who (i think) looks smashing, yet gives me no love back. and that REALLY sucks. :(
*sigh*
masochistic, that's for sure. something must be wrong with me.
the same friend chides me sometimes for being a glutton for punishment when it comes to love. i've said before that i like *suffering* for love, so that when i finally get what i want, the sense of accomplishment is that much greater. but damn, sometimes i wonder how much more action i'd get if i went after easier prospects. and i'm *not* talking about loose women here, either, just pursuits that don't wind up kicking my ass.
*shrug* i can't choose who i like. and that's the rub, eh?