i love sleep. these days (or, rather, nights), i have this habit of *wanting* to wake up at night just so i can roll over and check the time. that way, i know how much sleep i have left. pleasure!
the best is waking up around 3-4am. that way, i know that i still have oodles and oodles of sleep left. :)
i'm disappointed that the nba season is winding down. after that, what sports is there left to watch? yes, there will be the olympics later on this summer, but aside from that, it's all baseball. ick. how many home runs and double play highlights can i watch before it gets boring? bring on the football season!
i am worried about my mom. she called today and told me that she might be going on antidepressants. and earlier this weekend, she called from some random phone number and told me that she was so lonely she was staying with a church friend. :(
i hate watching my parents grow old. it saddens me. and i don't know what i can do for them... i just wish i could share some of their burdens. (although, with my own ticcy problems, i probably wouldn't be able to handle much more.)
but i definitely think that i inherited much of my mom's weaknesses. stuff like depression, tourette's (i think mild forms of it exist in my mom's side), and a general anxiety over life. if i took after my dad more, i think i'd be better off, psychologically speaking.
sigh. sadness.
i definitely feel like i've been in a funk since yesterday. like i said before, i attribute it to being lovesick, but that just sucks, doesn't it? i mean, i think _harry potter 3_ was a good movie, but i just didn't enjoy it as much as i should have. although, i did chuckle every time the wizards uttered "expelliarmus!" at each other to knock the wands out of the other's hands. hehe. wands. phallic. hee.
but yeah, i don't seem to be interested in much lately. there are several points of stress in my life, the two biggest ones being the work i have to do here at the office and the impending choice of whether or not i'm going to leave the company.
and the thing is, neither should stress me out much. but they do. hence i take after my mom.
on a brighter side, the 1mg of haldol seems to be going ok. i mean, i still tic, and yes, they still hurt, but i don't have the excruciating anxiety of them. and that pleases me.
well, this morning i was feeling a bit down. hell, ever since graduation yesterday, i had been feeling down. i decided this morning that it was because i was lovesick. shit, it's a weird feeling, because i haven't been lovesick since k3 in 2001. but then again, who gets *used to* that feeling anyway?
sigh.
double sigh.
so this job thing is dragging on. i had expected to get an offer last week so i could give me two weeks notice here, but still, they want MORE references and an official application process and all that. which i can understand, but still, the timing of things isn't great. at least, i have more and more time to finish up my work here, which is good, i guess.
but going back to lovesickness. love. sick. what a word, huh? who would have thought that affection for someone could make you feel like crap? but then again, it's all about neurotransmitters and endorphins and other chemicals like that, so i guess i can see how it can happen. i just don't like it.
i mean, some day in the future, i'll look back on this entry and laugh. either because i got the girl and realize how trivial this suffering is, or because i didn't get the girl and stop liking her and realize... how trivial this suffering is. :) but now, it ain't so fun.
but damn, is she a sexy beast.
and that's why i like her more. i don't come across truly sexy women that often. so beholding her is like beholding a rare beauty that comes alone only a few times in my life.
anyways...
so friday after work, i headed to the stanford shopping center to meet up with alan and ting. we had a pre-dinner snack, and shopped a bit before heading to jay's birthday dinner at cascal. it was a raucous time, although i was sitting at the edge of the group (opposite from a happy jay), so i didn't get to talk to the birthday boy at all.
afterwards, three couples from dinner went clubbing, so i passed and went to bed.
saturday, we had lunch at arby's (yum!), and afterwards, i hung out with jay at fry's electronics while he got a nav system installed in his wife's car. after the car was all ready, he drove me home, and i took a nap before taking k4 to masa's.
masa's was very swanky. i got to wear my new suit for the second time! k4 looked smashing in her black dress and red leather jacket. dinner was good, but i think it was a bit overrated. the only really memorable edible thing was this fried bone marrow that melted in your mouth like fat. holy shit that was good.
i had three jameson's (irish whiskey) during the front half of the meal, so that got me a little buzzed and took the edge off of my tics. to be honest, the tics caused a lot of anxiety leading up to dinner, but i think i handled it ok.
and dinner was very very expensive.
but! we saw ron siegel! in fact, when k4 went to the bathroom, she saw him, shook his hand, and talked to him for a little bit! i was so jealous. :)
sunday, we headed into downtown PA to get ting a new cell phone; her new phone has a camera with flash AND zoom! tech envy... grrrr...
and then we headed to stanford for the MSE departmental graduation. ting knew a ph.d. student (kevin) who was graduating, and it was also k4's department. i let out a whoop when her name was called, and she waved.
unfortunately, to my great disappointment, i didn't get to talk to her much at all after the ceremony. she was too busy mingling with her colleagues, and it sort of bummed me out.
we left campus and saw _harry potter 3_, which was pretty good, i guess, aside from my being bummed. i can't say that emma watson is that hot or anything; maybe she's in that awkward phase of early adolescence, and she'll get hotter as she matures. *shrug*
we grabbed some jack in the box for dinner and went home to watch the vaunted lakers struggle once again and fall to the pistons 3 games to 1. sigh. it's over... poor karl malone.
and that was it! a weekend filled with activities, and that made me happy.