wow, there is so little going on in my life that if you were me, you'd probably implode.
i am getting used to the sound of indian-tinged english. i think a good 60% of my company is indian now, especially with the infusion of some guys from india who are contracting with us.
and mike is right: i do love chasing after unrequited love, although maybe not as much as i used to. i just always liked the idea of *suffering* for love, because that way, when things finally come to fruition, it's so much more of an achievement, and the feeling of satisfaction is that much more poignant. *shrug*
lately, though, i can't say that i am in love with anybody. and that's a weird feeling, because for most of my life (ever since i was 4 or so and smitten with this girl named kathy, i started on k's early, haha) i've been in love with someone or other. sometimes with more than one person, even!
but nowadays, nada. k4 is a fascination, that's for sure, but in many ways i don't feel that *burn*. speed dating hostess and i are talking sporadically, but i'm lacking warm fuzzies there as well. there isn't anybody that i just want to cuddle with, and that's a bad sign.
yes, cuddle. not sex. i think sex is a more of a function of lust and/or sexual frustration. but cuddling? that's more of a sign of affection, methinks. snuggling up to a warm body and laying soft kisses on their lips. that's good shit!
personally, i think it's an odd experience. but then again, going to a strip club is the opposite... you'd rather go with a group than alone. so what's the difference? *ponder*
i remember during alex's wedding weekend a few years ago, a group of us plopped down on his plush sofas and turned it on to channel 595 on his satellite. porn! it was really weird and uncomfortable, watching large-screen penetration (i clearly remember a girl riding cowgirl-style on a guy at the beach) with a bunch of other people.
although, i must say, there was one time when group porn watching was actually fun. my sophomore year, after finals, we went out and rented _in defense of savannah_ at a local video store and rented the large projector room at meyer library. and we snuck in beer and, yup, watch the video together. it was fun! sort of like academics gone awry.
but now that i think about it, sharing a room with a bunch of horny guys that feel lke masturbating is a little creepy. :)
a few nights ago, i woke up at 3am and started panicking over my living situation. who am i going to live with? where am i going to move to if i can't find a roommate? shit like that makes me freak out.
the thing is, there are two problems:
1) the rent at my place is a bit too high for people to want to live with me
2) i'd have to pay even more to find a 1-bedroom, and that would also mean i would have to MOVE, which is truly a stressful thing
to be honest, i think it would be easiest if my roommate's girlfriend just moved in with us.
and financially speaking, this would be the time for me to buy a house. and the problem with that is the i just don't have the money for a down payment. *RAAR* i hate being poor!
anyways, just one more thing to add on to the heap of my stress level...
man, it's hard to do something you don't like. and i'm not just talking about women. :)
i'm actually talking about basketball. i don't like playing anymore (i get into these phases once in a while), so forcing myself to get out there and play is just a fucking chore. *RAAR* but i do it anyway because i know i need my exercise.
yet... still... like i said, it's a chore. why did exercise have to be so important? sheesh.
the truth of the matter regarding basketball is, 1) i'm tired because of the xanax i take in the morning and 2) i'm ticcy during basketball, which makes it very unpleasant to do. and that's that on the matter.