i've often wondered what hardcore drugs are like. like, cocaine, or even heroin. i remember that scene in _trainspotters_ where the girl shoots up heroin for the first time, and she something like how it's 1000 times better than an orgasm. damn, i'd like to know how that feels.
but the problem is, i'm petrified of the consequences. prison time, getting addicted, or dying of an overdose, etc. but still, the curiosity lingers.
i've had opportunities to try ecstacy before, but i've always balked. the thing is, E affects your serotonin levels (lowering them, i think), and tourette's is rumored to also be related to levels of that neurotransmitter. so, the way i see it, on E, i might turn into a non-stop twitching ticcing freak! so, instead, i passed.
but yeah. i want to to know.
i mean, i was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and basically, she said that life is mostly limited as far as how happy you can get. you can fall in love, you can have an orgasm, but those are basically the upper bounds of how good you can feel.
but! drugs can expand the range of what you feel. and who wouldn't be curious as to see how wide that range goes?
so yeah. life is sort of blah once you get used to it, at least that's how i see it. and drugs are a gateway to another level of existence. but i'm just too afraid to see what that level is like.
bad bad me. i haven't eaten in 24 hours. not feeling terribly hungry, but definitely weak. shame on me!
ok, there. i just e-mailed the speed dating people and asked them if the hostess girl was single. ha! i definitely have a slight weakness for good-looking toes with french tips. and she had a cute face to boot. radiant eyes!
so i missed _AI_ and _the OC_ last night. i heard hudson got kicked out, AND that fantasia and la toya were among the bottom three. what happened? it's like american suddenly decided it didn't like african american women or something. weird. i thought john stevens would surely get the boot after his lackluster rendition of barry manilow's "mandy."
*yawn* i got horrible sleep last night, as i said before. maybe a good 2-3 hours of solid shuteye? during basketball today, instead of doing my normal routine of shooting around the key, i just walked over to the wall and sat down. clearly the lack of sleep and not eating is affecting me.
i really really want to make it to 180! yet, i think this crash diet is going to backfire on me if i ever decide to eat like i used to. and, i have a sneaking suspicion that part of the reason why my tics are so bad is because of my bad diet. i must be missing some chemical or substance that regulates my tourette's.
so i went home, took a shower, dressed up, watched some of the pistons/bucks game, and waited for ben to show up. and we drove to palo alto.
upon arriving at f&a's, we immediately hopped up to the bar and ordered drinks. ben had two gin and tonics, and i had two grey goose and tonics. man, the second was stiff. and seeing as i only had pho for lunch and no dinner...
...empty stomach buzz. a strong one.
which was good, because it really loosened me up and reduced my tics.
this time around, there were like 20+ women instead of just 10 from the other time. which made it a better bang for my buck, but then again, it was nearly impossible to remember everyone.
and my biggest fear? running into someone i had met at the previous speed dating round? it came true. two of the women were there, and for whatever reason, we just acted like we had met for the first time. heh. i actually had better conversations with them the second time around (one of them was really nervous last time, and the other one just kept drilling me with "what do you do for fun?")
i don't know if it was the personnel or the alcohol, but i had a better time this time around. i can't say for sure i was totally attracted to anyone, but at least i had good conversations. and four minutes go by quickly when you're chatting up a storm.
i didn't sleep well last night, though; i kept on dreaming that i was trying to go to sleep, which is a recursive nightmare. and in the middle of the night, i sprang out of bed and had the runs. it was really gross, so gross that i put on boxers out of fear of soiling my sheets.
fyi, i marked down four yes's, even though i can only remember three of them. i think. *shrug* we'll see how it goes.
the hostess (irene) was pretty cute, though; i'm thinking about e-mailing and organizers and asking what's up with her. :)