i've been craving rice lately. and, as usual, i'm always craving pizza.
it's funny, because with the small amounts that i eat, you'd think that i'd be hungry for just about anything. but in fact, it seems that since food is so scarce and precious to my body now, i only want premium taste things in my system. ha!
the problem, though, is that you can't get rice stuff (aside from yoshinoya's) at a drive-thru. and i'm not talking about jack in the box teriyaki bowls nor taco bell bowls either. i'm all about chinese rice plates.
and yes, drive-thru's are important to me. i'm so fucking lazy that i won't get out of my car just to pick up food (although i did do it last night).
once, i drove an extra ten minutes (each way!) to the redwood city taco bell (instead of the palo alto taco bell) from stanford just because they had a drive-thru. now THAT's lazy, ha!
i think it's getting clear that i'm getting stupider as i get older.
which makes me wonder... if you concede that smart people worry more (because they're thinking all the time about shit), then does that mean that i'll worry less as i age?
i mean, if i just sit there by myself, i can come up with a whole slew of things to worry about... money matters, being single, terrorism, mad cow, etc.
and frankly, i'm kind of tired of it. life stresses me out, and hell, i've gotten to the point before (two march's ago) where i just couldn't deal and wanted out of life!
so this "getting stupid" thing is a sort of a good and bad thing. on one hand, work (like the stuff i have to do now) is toughter, but on the other hand, i de-stress about other silly things that i worry about.
of course, you could argue that i can get stupid, become unable to do any hard work, AND still worry about stupid shit (provided that my previous assumption was completely wrong), and then... i'm totally screwed.
i think now i feel what the other engineers are going through. i.e. working non-stop. (except, of course, when i blog for you wonderpup readers)
and i gotta tell you, it really sucks.
free time! free time is such a precious thing. nowadays (meaning, this past week), i really value it, because what little free time i have, i spend trying to relax as much as possible so i don't go bonkers.
so yeah. even though it's wednesday, i'm totally looking forward to the weekend. that is, of course, if i don't have to go into the office on saturday or sunday. just to let you know, my work is going to be one of the bottlenecks to our final goal of code completion.
i have realized that in some ways, idologically speaking (in the engineering world), i have a very closed mind.
my coworker has attempted to explain to me multiple times how he envisions i do this particular block. yet, since the idea is new to me, i can't (for the life of me) wrap my head around it. i just don't understand.
and what's worse, i came up with a way (thought slightly flawed, but hackable) to solve the problem. and now i've latched on to it, holding onto it for dear life, and it just makes me even more deaf to my coworker's ideas.
damn my intransigence!
man, so yesterday, i got to work at 10. today, it was 9. and tomorrow, i'll have to be at the tire shop by 8. what the fuck is this? my body is totally confused!
and hurting, too. i get morning sickness if i don't sleep enough, and apparently, 9 hours isn't enough. nothing like drinking water in the morning and puking it back up. it sure tastes different coming out.
although, last night, i didn't sleep too well. i kept on dreaming about _american idol_. btw, i do love john stevens's voice. and jasmine trias had sort of a letdown performance. but i have no idea who's going to be kicked off tonight.
i hate dreams sometimes. i mean, i *love* sleep, and for the most part, dreams are interesting, but some of them won't let you go. it's like, you'll wake up, tell yourself "oh, it was just a dream," but when you fall back asleep, it grips you again in its own alternate reality. and when these episodes are full of anxiety, that's bad news.
i have a feeling tonight's _OC_ will be bad, i.e. forgettable. who cares about a paris hilton cameo?
i hate feeling weak and stupid. *RAAR*