stop the world
stop the world
i'm getting off
i'd like to rip-van-winkle through my life and find out how it is in a few months, or a few years.
yes, i know that's cheating. and i'd probably lose out on the satisfaction of going through the process. yes, i know it's all about the process, not the result. blah blah blah. i'm just tired of life right now!
but i think it wouldn't matter to me that much if i just pressed the hyperspace button and zoom forward in time a bit. i mean, when you find out about the final score in a sports game, do you ever want to rewatch the game? i didn't think so! if i just fast forwarded my life, i'd just be so happy with the results that i wouldn't care about how i got there.
so there. pttttb.
sorry for all this tictalk. i just mentally feel like shit these days. which is a shame, because life is good, work is going well, and the weather is beautiful.
don't take your mental health for granted! it's funny because i only know of a small handful of people whose brains are afflicted, and with all the news of mental health disorders out there, you'd think that it would be a more visible problem. but yeah. for those of you with healthy brains, you are fucking LUCKY BASTARDS.
i really should listen to more music, though. music is uplifting, among other things.
oh yeah. i might be having dinner with mallory tonight, although it will most definitely conflict with the stanford vs. oregon game at 6pm tonight. do i need to mention that i had yet another anxiety dream about basketball last night? this is becoming a regular occurence!
oh, and btw, i had a dream about an ex too. it was a weird case where real life (i.e. meeting up with another femme) collided with the dream life (i.e. the ex being upset about it). kooky!
when you say it's gonna happen now
what exactly do you mean?
see i've already waited to long
and all my hope is gone
hope is important. without it, i would just sulk and whine forever. i might not even be here, and i'm not being dramatic. so in light of that, i have things to look forward to, to get my excited.
for example, i am excited to get mr. puma jacket back. i've been wearing my paul frank sweatshirt too much, and while i lost that monkey-headed piece of clothing, i just miss the orange accents of mr. puma jacket. it's one trendy piece of apparel!
i really should cancel all my weekend plans. i mean, that's the best thing i can do for myself, because the tics are RULING me. i am hesitant to say that i am in a nervous breakdown phase, but the truth is that i probably am.
the last time this happened was two march's ago. that was a completely different episode, though; that was the big depression that i somehow fell into, where i got all morbid and suicidal and stuff. i remember that i was march because i took a week off, and i just stayed home and watched the ncaa men's tournament the whole time.
this one, however, is different. it's just a regular tourette's breakdown, and as always, it's coupled with massive pain in my shoulders and neck.
so the way it goes is this: the pain causes anxiety over the next tic. so i suppress tics, but that can only last so long. and the next tic is more explosive, and results in more pain. go to step 1. over and over again.
but, i am still trying to be social this weekend, even though the best thing for me is to stay in bed for 48 hours. i've got a zachary's expedition with byron on saturday night, and i've got brunch plans with a certain femme on sunday afternoon.
i don't want to miss either, but still, i don't know how effective i'll be socially when this nagging affliction. *RAAR*
i had a little taste of japan today. i haven't had cold zaru soba in the states until today, and it was good! it came with the dipping sauce, slices of green onion, and wasabi. after finish the noodles, i was smelling the sauce cup over and over, and it just reminded me of being in japan. ah. fond memories.
btw, we went to saizo (fair oaks and el camino), which was a "japanese tapas" place that didn't really serve tapas. go figure.
i have writer's block.