twenty-five seconds of silence

four walls

it's a sad thing when you realize that many relationships would be fine, as my friend says, if it were confined to "four walls." meaning that if it was just the couple in their own little isolated sphere, things would be perfect.

but that's not life, is it?

i used to think that when i was with k1. and with k2 as well. things were fine with it was just us two alone, most likely because all we'd do would be have sex and cuddle and talk and whatever. but man, when we were thrust in certain social situations, things would have a tendency to blow up.

for example, with k1, i was very socially awkward, and i would get really dark and withdrawn and downright anti-social when we were out and about. and that would cause her to get pissed off at me, and i would get even more pissed and withdrawn, and it would just spiral into a huge fight.

with k2, it was a similar thing, except despite being more socially well-adjusted, my tourette's would make me not want to go out. and her friends would bug her about me, and she would get frustrated, and so on and so forth.

but man, when things were good between us, they were good. and what i realize is that they were usually that good when it was just us two, within our four walls.

relationships

so which would you rather have... passion or stability? (assuming they're mutually exclusive and can't have both)

i like passion, but i have this feeling that in the long run, stability is more important. is marriage is indeed a "buffer against loneliness" (to quote woody allen), then you're gonna need stability to make sure the other person doesn't just run off and leave you all by your lonesome.

but man, like i said. i *like* passion. it's so much more interesting. and stability? that's BORING. (hence my affinity for single people to hang out with, but where, oh where do i find them??)

anyways, i'm IM'ing a friend about the issue. she's with a stable guy but, from time to time, she thinks about another guy who she has more passion for. and it's a tumultuous passion, which is unhealthy. man. what a quandary!

knowing me, though, i tend to get boring when i am in a relationship. things just settle into the regular old humdrum, after the honeymoon phase (i.e. lots and lots of sex) is over. of course, there are the inevitable fights, but hey, every couple fights, right?

so there's the rub. i like relationships, and i strive to be in one, but in the end, i don't like certain side effects of a relationship. what to do.

making plans

so in the absence of my roommate(s), i am left to my own devices for some social activity this week.

so far, i'm having dinner with mike tonight. he wants to try a good burrito, so i'm going to take him to la bamba and have him order the carnitas. i'm not so sure i'll get the same, though, because i think i'm burrito'ed out, so i will get a quesadilla. can't go wrong with grilled cheese with deep-fried pork. :)

and thursday and saturday, i'll most likely be cheering on stanford to go undefeated in its final two games of the pac-10 regular season with the yujster. it's always good to watch games with a cardinal fanatic, and he is *much* more of a fanatic than i am. *huzzah*

aside from that, i don't have any other plans. hm. friday i might go to a friend's birthday party, but other than her, i don't really know anybody else on the evite, so i'm afraid of wallflowering. *sobs*

when harry met sally

so a reader of mine talked about the fact that *her* best friend is a guy who she's had feelings for, and vice versa.

i would find that to be a difficult position.

like, if my best friend were a girl, and we talked and hung out all the time and shared intimate details of our thoughts and our lives, then inevitably... i'd most likely fall in love with her. and then the friendship would be in jeopardy.

the whole boundary of platonic vs. romantic is usually pretty well-defined with my female friends, but usually that's because they're taken, i.e. married or in a relationship. if they happened to be single, then in many cases, that would open up a whole can of worms.

i think the reason is partly because i am picky who i make friends with, especially if *i* am the one who seeks out the friendship to begin with. i have a tendency to select friends who are not only good friendship material, but also good eye candy material too. so all of that just means that i tend to look for attractive female friends, and if they're ever single, then... BAD NEWS.

bugs, being recognized

woot! i found a bug in my code! *swoon* man, there goes my reputation, hehe.

actually, i am happy about this. i had misgivings about my so-called "perfect" code, and the fact that i found a bug means that i am closer to making it truly "perfect." hm. i don't know if that makes any sense, but... anyways.

so yeah, i was "recognized" at the vienna teng concert last night. that felt pretty good, not creepy at all, probably because the woman, C, approached me in a very nice manner. i was surprised that i am so easily recognizable, as C said that she saw me other times, walking down university ave and even driving around downtown palo alto. perhaps i have a distinguished face? haha!

but yeah, i guess some people have striking faces. like, the moment i saw syndromes walk around the corner in the baggage claim, i knew it was him, despite thinking that he was blonde to begin with. there's something about him that just made me *know* it was him. *shrug* and i haven't even seen that many pictures of him!

last night was an interesting in experience, falling asleep without sportscenter. i turned on espn and found a hockey game, but in the end, i guess i was so tired (partially because of my tourette's tics) that i just fell asleep naturally. thank goodness i haven't had insomnia for a while. *knocks on wood*

milk and cereal

ah. the video is finally up again! hehe. the most impressive thing about this is the fact that the two kids don't crack up in the middle.

and yes, i know that the original video was done by vt's finest, but i'm just too lazy to find that link.

pics from the weekend

	so this is syndromes. i don't think i've ever seen him in a picture without making a face, so there you have it. a face! and a finger! i felt bad that he couldn't get a wet burrito because the cheese probably had rennet. life must be tough sometimes being a strict vegetarian.
	so yeah, after los charros, i took syndromes on a pilgrimage to the palo alto qcup. this place is odd because the clientele and the servers are predominantly non-asian. is this a sign that boba is making its way into the mainstream? perhaps. but anyways, i was carrying my u50, so i couldn't get close enough to the lamp to take a good picture.
	this is the entrance to the stanford theater. this place on university ave plays old movies. i think i've seen _roman holiday_ three times here. ah, audrey hepburn is such an elegant babe. *swoon* sunday was paren't's weekend at stanford, so there were lots of people milling about on campus and on university.
	so they build a new parking structure behind miyake, and that's a good thing because parking in palo alto can be a pain sometimes. behind this wire fence is a bunch of inspirational inscriptions, which i found a bit out of place. by the way, i hear they are opening a miyake in mountain view. i wonder if it'll be as loud and rowdy as the palo alto one is.
	so the first place i took syndromes at stanford was the rodin sculpture garden. i showed him my favorite bronze, the one of the torso arching back. we both noted that the headless body had a nice ass. hehe. and a nice back, too! there were at least two weddings taking place in the quad when we got there. luckily, the weather was nice, sandwiched between the rain.
	so my third time visiting the ben sherman shirt was the charm. i bought it. it's a white button down with these blue accents inside the cuffs and behind the button linings. i think it's kind of cool. after peter got coffee at starbuck's (a caramel macchiato), i found this flower sitting there happily among its brethren.
	so do people buy non-cordless phones anymore? if i ever suffered a blow to the head and decided i could life with a corded phone, i'd get this one at pottery barn. first, it's cool and retro, and second, it's silver! but as neat as these phones are, i do wonder how many of these units the store sells. they seem to be more art than good function.
	vienna's concert was at the cowell theater in the marina, right on the water. it was cold there, and if you go to adam's site, you'll see that i wasn't wearing very much (i.e. i had no jacket). this mask adorns the outside wall of the entrance to the theater. there was also a bottlecap collage apparently made by kids, and one of them said, "don't smoke crack." ha!

blogging crowd anTICS

ah. i made a pun!

anyways, this weekend would have been great if i hadn't been saddled down with my tics. the right side of my neck/upper shoulder really really FUCKING hurts. sigh. and totally it affected how social i was, especially during meals.

friday night, i had a last dinner with alan and ting before they left for whistler. alan cooked turkey burgers (which just aren't the same thing as ground beef!), and for whatever reason, they made me puke. *shrug*

anyways, at 8, i drove to oakland airport to pick up syndromes. i immediately recognized him (even though i thought he was blonde), and the first thing i said to him was, "do you want boba?" see? he's a boba FIEND.

so we went to the first of three boba places during the course of a day and a half. and the first place was verde, where he got his signature coconut pearl milk tea.

saturday, we had lunch at los charros with adam over burritos. then, i took him to q-cup to try their boba; he said the pearls tasted like PRUNES. hm. we walked up and down university ave and then took a long ass walk around stanford campus. i showed him most of the core part of the school, and we both got blisters on our feet from all the walking we did.

then, we went to the mall to pick up shoelaces, and i showed him the ben sherman shirt that i wanted. but he held me back from making the purchase. then, we had dinner at amarin, where i found out that he is possibly the pickiest vegetarian i know. no tofu, no baby corn, no eggplant, no (something i can't remember). finicky!

we met up with jim and vienna on castro, and they came over, hung out a bit as i played some of my lounge music, and then whisked syndromes off.

sunday, i had a cigarette break over the phone with cindy, and then i had lunch with peter at ryowa ramen. and then... we hit the MALL! and i BOUGHT the ben sherman shirt! $79 + tax baby! now we'll see if i ever wear it. afterwards, i headed straight to adam's place, and four of us drove to the city for some japanese food at zushi puzzle in the marina.

noe venable/vienna teng concert was really really good! i tried memorizing vienna's set, but forgot where "feather moon" or "moon feather" went:

my medea
hope on fire
shine
the tower
anna rose
unwritten letter
shasta
mission street
atheist christmas carol
harbor

encore:
green island serenade
gravity

the addition of a band was really cool... i mean, i like the girl + piano sound, but the band added this "fuller" flavor to it that i enjoyed.

oh! i got recognized! this woman, C, just came out of the crowd and approached me. she's been reading for a LONG LONG time, all the way back to my geocities days! wow! *applause* and she proceeded to chat it up with the other bloggers who were there.

and by the way, i saw andrey, who i wanted to chat with, but she disappeared right after the concert. and let's see... eric played cello during some of the songs, but *sigh* he seems really busy. i still want to have ramen with him! and i saw raven and mona (don't remember her URL), which was a nice surprise. and there were apparently a lot of RBJ'ers there, though i don't really associate with them, despite being an early member.

that's it! like i said, it was highly enjoyable. but damn, FUCK THESE TICS.