twenty-five seconds of silence

english, anal, pork

english is an odd language. here, we have strange words like "parenchyma." and only in english would you pronounce "clough" as either "clow" or "cluff."

hm. i think i watched too much of the spelling bee competition on espn. but still, do you think a spelling bee would require any skill if the language were spanish or japanese? hrmph!

but still, i like english. it's got more nuances. like, i can use silly words like "ensconced" or "copacetic" in place of their simpler equivalents. it's fun!

strange. my yahoo! messenger just crapped out, and all of a sudden, all but 5 people logged off of my AIM. what gives?

so does anal sex feel really good if the recipient clenches hard? i would imagine that the vise-like grip would make way for some really good friction.

sorry. random question.

um, yeah. i've decided that i don't like most sexual positions where the two people aren't facing each other. the only exception is doggy-style, but not where the guy is squatting over the orifice. but otherwise, i think there is a great amount of value added in being able to see the girl's face. and the spoon position really sucks, as does the reverse cowgirl.

speaking of porking, for lunch, we went to hardy's (german food), and i got this huge ham shank. my german coworker called it a "pig knuckle," and man, even though they de-fatted it, there was a ton of fat left! it was ok; i'm not a big fan of smoked meats (i.e. ham). i think next time, i'll get the sausage.

things that bug, one that doesn't

i have a bad habit when i develop cold sores, which i have because of the recent blog crash stress. basically, i keep on aggravating the wound by opening my mouth wide and licking the spot. i've always had this problem, i.e. picking at my scabs prematurely, etc. *shrug*

last night, i had dinner at cpk with alan and peter. i just wasn't very social. why? because my tourette's is getting the better of me these days. i'm ticcing a lot more, and worst all, it hurts, so i get a lot of built-up anxiety over my next tic. and that makes me sort of shut down; i don't talk, i don't move, i don't do anything that might make me want to tic more. it sucks.

sigh. this fucking blasted disorder! *RAAR*

on the good news side, it seems like my arbiter is passing my basic test(s). with no code change necessary! the next step is to make the testbench self-checking, and then, randomizing the testbench. it'll be a lot of work, but at least i know i'm off to an auspiciuos start.

woo-hoo!

ok. two more hours, and i get out of here. more later.

blonde goodness

so general preference has me not liking blondes very often. but i find elisha cuthbert to be pretty attractive. i think it's her eyebrow arch, for one. and second, i really like her lips (although it looks like she has a cold sore in this picture). i think she could be a mean, top-grade fellating BEAST.

and to top it all off... i dig her short hair! (but not the bangs in the current season of _24_. yes, i must sound like a broken record, but i hate bangs!)

is she a fake blonde? if you look at her eyebrows, you'll notice that they're not as light as her hair. so i'm guessing... her hair isn't natural? hmmm. hey, at least we know what her pubic thatch looks like, right?

the mango lecture

how odd. the vp of operations just popped in my cube (from the blind side), picked up the mango in my cube, smelled it, and proceeded to give me a lecture on how to tell if such a fruit is ripe or not. (i.e. peruvian mangos have less pesticide, and filipino mangos have a great distinctive smell.)

it kind of freaked me out. and the reason is because he couldn't have seen the mango from the direction he was walking, so it all seemed like a planned event! weird!

i think i'm going to do that to one of my coworkers. like i'll scout out an object in his cube earlier, and later, just pop in and start talking about said object without any prompting. we'll see.

the beginnings

it's sort of interesting how i am now friends with some people i only knew superficially in college. people like cindy and yuji. interesting! like, i've forgotten how i came to be better friends with these people. my memory sort of blurs the line between knowing them as acquaintances back in school and knowing them as friends now.

friendships are interesting, if not odd. going from total strangers to friends is process that maybe i don't pay much attention to. i just realize one day, "hey! i'm friends with this person!" without knowing exactly how we got there. like, who called who first? who got in touch with who first? and how did it proceed from there? in many cases, i have no clue. you'd think that being a historian-type would result in better documentation, but i can only shrug my shoulders.

however, i do remember the first time i saw each one of the major girls in my life. (k1's tall model-like frame sautering down the second floor gavilan hall, k2's knee-highs and sassy walk around kimball dining hall, k3's floating into the a3c ballroom during taiko tryouts)

and yes, of course, i remember alan's big smile the day we arrived at stanford, when i was playing nin's "head like a hole" and he asked me if liked "alternative music."

but other than those major events, most of the rest is a bit murky... so help me refresh my memory!

growing to love boobs

come to think of it, i don't think i was into boobs until i actually happened upon a real-life pair. like, one time, senior year in high school, i saw an acquaintance of mine in a bikini (we were hanging out on a houseboat), and i could clearly see her breasts (sans nipple, though). but... i didn't get excited at all! not even a mini-boner!

now, looking back, i think about this girl in my class, and she was pretty hot. but it's only *now* that i realize the fact, and not then. strange, huh?

like i said, i think it's only after i confronted a real pair that i started liking boobs. and the aspect that i found intoxicating was that they were so SOFT. something about that just gives me the tingles.

rift

got this e-mail from my mom just now:

I encourage you to watch the movie "The passion of the Christ". According to the director it's all based on the truth of the Bible. Christ is the true God and a real man. I think this movie shows His humanity that how perfect He was as a man and as God how much love He has toward the people He created.

hm. the whole capitalization thing bugs me. but aside from that, this e-mail reminds me how there is this religious rift in my family. my brother and mother are both deeply devout, and my dad and i are not.

i wonder if it tortures my mom to know that i'm not going to join her in heaven and instead will be spending an eternity in hell. it must, right?

as much as i love her, sometimes i dread talking to her. because at seemingly random times, she'll bust out with, "dardy, don't you believe that the lord is our one true savior?" i mean, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT???

and other times, she'll tell me how i should join the church and find a nice christian girl to marry, and once again, i'm left speechless. ugh. stuff like that makes me feel really uncomfortable, because i know that if i replied with the truth, i'd hurt my mom a lot. but i'm not going to change my beliefs, either!

*RAAR*

too much mayo

not feeling great today. i woke up with a slightly sore throat. ick. and obviously, my nicotine habit makes things worse. double ick.

basketball was a terrible travesty today. only 6 people showed up, so we played four 3-on-3 games. i suck at defending pick and rolls. *RAAR*

good news is, after today, tomorrow is FRIDAY (duh)!! for whatever reason, this week went by really slowly. i think there was too much drama, what with the blog dying and the iPod troubles. and not to mention that nasty marshmallow headache.

tics are worse this week. i was reading last night how chronic states of inflammation can cause cancer, alzheimer's, and all sorts of nasty shit, and i think my tics put my body in such a state. some place in my body (usually neck and shoulders) always hurts, and i wonder how that's going to harm my system in the long run.

lunch was nasty. i went to carl's jr and got two spicy chicken sandwiches, "extra sauce." and instead of giving me extra spicy sauce, they gave me... EXTRA MAYONNAISE. woah. i couldn't even finish the second one, it was so disgusting. reminds me of that one time i went to subway and asked for extra ranch dressing, but the dude picked up the wrong bottle and dumped all this mayo on it.

so is oakland airport easy to find? is it as simple as 880 to hegenberger? say that it's so! but are there multiple terminals? which one is southwest airlines?

one thing i read earlier this week was a japanese study whose conclusion was that adults who slept 7 hours a day lived longer than those who slept more. which is BAD NEWS for me, since i clock in 10+ hours every day. but man! 7 hours? that's not much!

pre-lunch blurbs

do you guys exfoliate your eyebrows? is that something people should do? i'm sitting here, scratching them, and there's all these flakes that are falling onto my desk. hm.

so tomorrow night, i'm hosting syndromes at my place! yes, it's true that i've never met him, which is why my roommate was a little alarmed when i told him about it. but still, syndromes is a good guy, even if he tries to dry hump my naked ass in the middle of the night. AND NO, THAT WAS NOT A HINT!

the only tidbit of nervousness i have is driving to oakland airport at night. i've never been there, and oakland as a whole just... scares me.

so _the OC_ last night was mediocre. the only thing that interested me was the public vs. private tension between seth and summer. although, i've decided that summer (rachel bilson) has nice big eyes. she's definitely growing on me, but just a bit. and i reiterate, mischa barton canNOT act.

and what is up with the OC girls getting bangs now? i don't like them! first marisa gets them, and now anna? ick. at least summer's staying put with her long layers, which i think looks pretty cool.

man, i hope it doesn't rain all week. i want to do stuff!

so last night, i was IM'ing dishi on YM, and he pressed the buzz key (ctrl-g). and this doorbell sound went off, and ting and i both thought it was a real doorbell. so i got up and checked the door, to find no one there. damn. that shit scares me. i blame yahoo for coming up to sounds that are too realistic!

so i'm going to be alone all of next week. (alan and ting and family will be in whistler.) so if you want to hang out, let's make plans!

temperamental iPod

so, i received a BRAND NEW 30GB iPod in the mail last night, but didn't have much time to play with it as i was "occupied" with the blog issue.

after plugging it in, it copied 83 songs before it crashed. so then, i bypassed the dock itself and plugged it directly into the USB cable. then, it copied over about 360 songs before locking up.

so then, i unplug the other firewire port (the iSight), reformat the iPod, and REBOOT the computer. and i copy over 200 songs at a time.

that finally worked.

is this not WEIRD to anybody? it's a brand fucking new iPod! so i'm thinking... maybe it's the computer? *RAAR*

tourette's and work

in the _enter the matrix_ videogame, you can slow down time (i.e. "bullet time") by using a limited amount of a power that's called "focus."

man, i sure wish i had some of that stuff. my ability to focus is almost binary, i.e. sometimes i can focus like a madman, but most times i can't apply myself seriously at all. and that really sucks when you have work to do.

the times i notice this the most is after lunch/basketball. i come back to my desk, and my mind is literally racing around, and my body is doing the equivalent (i.e. being all fidgety and anxious). and usually the end result is me doing nothing but sitting in my cube with my head on the desk. it's pretty pathetic, actually.

usually, by 3 or 4pm, i'm back to a reasonable semblance of my normal self, and that's when i get the bulk of my work done. and sometimes, i am blazing along like an x-men with some amazing mutant power of focus.

i attribute both states to my tourette's. my mind is always on overdrive, but most of the time, it's just hopping all over the place, not being able to settle down in any constructive way. but other times, it happens to lock onto something, and i can wind up applying myself to a certain task unflinchingly.

what a weird affliction!

spunkfest!

so apparently, a third of my hits are from search engines. that's a lot of pervs out there! hehe.

i feel like blurting out "TEKOKI BUKKAKE JAPANESE CAMELTOE!" why is that the japanese have such cute names for sexual acts?

actually, i saw this video a few months ago of some tekoki action. what i don't get it... if a girl gives a guy a handjob, and he's circumcised, doesn't it sort of chafe? (not to mention, a circumcised guy masturbating?) i mean, usually the girl uses her saliva to lube things up naturally, but still.. after a while, doesn't the friction start to feel uncomfortable?

*smile* god bless uncircumcision. leave us foreskin-endowed males alone! be natural!

one thing that grossed me out, though, was a girl doing a little bukkake drink tapped from her ass. that just does NOT seem appetizing in any way. talk about a dirty sanchez milk mustache! i am still convinced that people need to get enemas before engaging the anus in any sexual play.

ick. scatology freaks me out.

wednesday randoms

i consider myself a big historian of sorts... if i don't document my life, then i inevitably forget what i have been doing, and thus my memory becomes a black hole; for example, junior high and early high school at such dark spots in my brain. what i did i do then? how did i feel? i have no recollection.

so that's why losing one and a half years of this blog is such a big deal to me; i've seen other people lose their blogs, and they didn't seem like they minded that much; but me, i'm pretty damn bummed out. the last time i felt so devastated was when i lost all of my college e-mails.

ok. no more of that. happy thoughts!

there's a new _OC_ tonight! and most importantly, anna stern (samaire armstrong) and her short spunky hair and her cool earrings are back! she is one fo the few people who can wear pink berets and get away with it, hehe.

speaking of anna (and seth's) style, i still haven't worn my cashmere/silk navy argyle sweater yet. i think it would look good with a white buttondown underneath it (with the collar peeking out of the v-neck), but the problem is: i don't wear white buttondowns. i mean, i *own* some, but i never wear them. it's like... too pristine for me.

yep. too pristine. dardy ain't pristine, that's for sure!

i did see this white ben sherman that was really cool a few weeks ago. but at $79 a pop, coupled with my anti-spending-money resolution, i balked at buying it. but damn, it was a nice shirt...

it's hard to resist acquiring beauty! that's how i see it. acquiring beauty.

man, i am materialistic. :/

did you know that i couldn't buy clothes of my own until i hit college? that's why i went crazy... once i had my own money, i bought some of the weirdest shit imaginable... yellow outfits, rainbow shorts, lots of primary colors. i guess i hadn't honed my fashion sense at all (didn't get a chance to), so i just went berserk with my spending.

follicles

every once in a while in my cube, i lean back, pull my shirt, and rub each nipple with each hand.

it's like a weird auto-erotic stretching action.

what am i doing with my nipples? i'm feeling for nipple hairs that i need to pluck our when i get home! hehe.

do you guys get a lot of nipple hair? i have a fair amount, although you can't really see them because i'm really good and prompt about plucking them. but i just think that it's weird that the areola region sprouts follicles. and i can't seem to remember if my ex's had the same problem i do.

anyways, another thing i'm noticing about unwanted hairs is that my pubic hair region is sort of... spreading. like, i'm developing stray hairs here and there, and there are getting to be more and more outliers, even some that are approaching my bellybutton! wow!

restraint

last night, i was so stressed out over stuff that i let go of certain things that i had planned to do:

1) i let myself smoke more than usual
2) i let myself refrain from reading that last _time_ article
3) i let myself not listen to this new cd that i bought (it sucks)

little things like that alleviate my stress. of course, you could ask, "why bother with all these self-restraint issues anyway?"

well, that's just how i am. i guess living with tourette's, i have to restrain myself every single moment i'm awake. otherwise, i'd be ticcing the entire time, and i'd probably wind up tearing a muscle or breaking my collarbone or something. having TS/OCD equates to having a lot of "weird" urges that i have to supress all the fucking time.

i don't know if you can understand what i'm talking about or how i live, but i just wanted to touch on the subject. yep, my life is all about restraint. and forcing myself to do things that i don't always want to.

back to normal?

so yeah, part of this blog's history is gone. but like i said, my hits are down, and that's what bugs me the most. and THAT in itself disturbs me; how come i care so much about my hits? they are just numbers, right?

and on to other things that don't matter: fortune cookie fortunes! we went to a mongolian bbq place today for lunch, and i got this fortune that said something like, "soon you will acquire something that you have wanted."

and after reading that sentence, i got a blip of happiness in my system. but the thing is, it's just a fucking fortune cookie! i could have easily gotten some other random mundane generic comment about my future. so *blech* i think i am caring about insignificant things.

anyways, i just got an e-mail from the speedyweb guys, and they can't find any backup data for my archives. i'm going to follow up one more time, but if they still can't do anything, then that's it. my archives are lost. :(

so enough of complaining about my blog's sob story. i just gotta remember to back up my shit. which makes me wonder... what's the best way to back up my iMac at home? i'm mostly concerned about my music (12GB) and my photos (2GB) . (and maybe my porn (1.5GB), hehe) anyone have some tips on this? i.e. purchase a bunch of DVD-R's, or get a firewire hard disk?

i have this beatles song running in my head. and only lyrics that i know are "ooh aah ooh." helpful, huh?

oh, and in my desperation to blog last night, i set up a xanga account. i haven't posted any entries, though. and choccobo and track15 were both taken as usernames, so i chose:

SUPERFELCH!

hahahahaah. yup. as in, a powerful suckiing-force felching maneuver. beautiful, huh?

so now at least i can leave comments on my friends' xanga accounts, hehe.

the aftermath

well, the good news is that speedyweb offers backup restoration. the bad news is that their BACKUP server crashed, so they can't get everything back.

but the thing is, i'm not going to ask for a backup of the entire database; i don't want to fuck with merging a new database with an existing one and dealing with movabletype version number differences (i upgraded from 2.11 to 2.661), blah blah blah.

instead, i'm just going to ask for them to put the archive HTML files back. that way, the google searches will still work, and if you *really* want to look through the old stuff, you can do so manually by digging through my directories.

but man! my hits are REALLY low! (like half the usual amount!) now i have a better feel of how many true readers i have, instead of the true readers PLUS the internet pervs out there doing google searches.

man. reality.

i was so stressed out last night that i developed a cold sore. man, i *am* sensitive to stress, huh? :/

on a brighter note, movabletype runs really FAST now! hehe.

FUCKING SHITTY DAY

so yeah. as you may have noticed, the old blog is gone. *poof* everything is gone, and all those poor googling bastards looking for cameltoes and felching fecal matter will come to this site and find broken links EVERYWHERE.

so you want to know what happened?

some FUCKING IDIOT on my webhosting server (who was apparently sharing filespace with mine) ran some program that ate up the ENTIRE FUCKING DISK.

so when i tried updating my blog, it completely corrupted my database, and after looking for help on movabletype's support site, the only solution was...

...TO FUCKING START OVER.

so after 4 hours of resinstallation and shit, this blog finally looks like my old one. i don't know if i'm going to be able to make all the comments and archives look the same, though... at least now in the near future.

what a shitty day. first, i get the marshmallow headache, and then, i can't do any work, my website dies, and my iPod comes back (but it still doesn't work).

anyways. *sigh* i'm back. partly.

:/

one two one two

testing.